What You Paid For
by TriDom
Summary: Castiel is an omega whose body has begun to reject suppressants after twelve years of continuous use. Faced with a hysterectomy or using an alpha service, he chooses the latter as much as he loathes the thought.
1. Chapter 1

**Author Note:** Also posted on AO3, so sorry if any of you are seeing this twice. It is edited. I'm sure there are more errors, but I tried to clean it up. I hope you enjoy.

**What You Paid For**

Castiel sat on the exam table and buttoned the cuffs of his shirt. The doctor sat on a wheeled chair in front of the computer, looking down at Castiel's chart. He frowned and turned toward Castiel.

"The medication isn't taking," the doctor said.

"So what does that leave?" Castiel asked. His insides ached faintly, and his opening stung from the doctor's examination a few moments ago.

"You go off the suppressants or undergo a full hysterectomy."

Castiel exhaled and flattened his sleeve.

"Castiel, it's your decision, but my opinion, you're young. You have years before menopause. Without your reproductive organs intact, you'll have to take hormone replacement, but it won't be the same. You'll have heat flashes, mood swing. Go off the suppressants, before they do any more damage."

Castiel shook his head. "I don't really have a choice, now do I?"

The doctor smiled sadly. "What's so wrong about having a family?"

"It doesn't exactly fit into my plans."

"I can give you birth control for your heats, but unfortunately, there's a good chance that you won't need them."

Castiel nodded, knowing that infertility had been a chance since he began to bleed months before and he began to go in for tests.

"Can you know for sure?"

"We won't know unless you actively try to get pregnant. I don't want to give you birth control, but I will. Instead, the alpha you make contact with, make sure they are on it. No condom. Make sure they're clean. You need the full experience-."

Castiel shook his head. "No, I'm willing to go through heats, but I won't use an alpha. I can handle them myself."

"Castiel, I'm telling you, as your doctor, that medically, you need a partner the first few times. Our bodies, omega bodies, need the chemistry of an alpha. What you've done to yourself isn't healthy. Now you have to correct that. I can give you the name of an alpha agency so you can make arrangements."

The doctor wrote on a prescription pad and handed it to Castiel, who took it like it could burn him. A number was written under the name _Domare Servitium_.

"I don't want one of these in my house," Castiel said.

"They aren't all bad," the doctor said. "My wife is wonderful, and she's as alpha as they come."

"But I'm going to assume that your wife didn't come from a prostitution service."

"I've never heard anything, but good things about the men and women contracted through them."

"Fine," Castiel said. Then he stood and took his coat from the nearby chair. "Is that all?"

"The nurse is going to make an appointment for you in six months. If you hit your heat before that, come see me after it's passed. If you plan on using Domare, give them a call soon to have someone on reserve for you. I've heard they fill quickly."

"How long until the heat?"

"A month. Two at the most."

"Thank you," Castiel nodded then he followed the doctor to the door of the small room. The doctor held it open for him, then clapped him on his shoulder before Castiel went down the hall and left through the waiting room.

Once in the parking lot, he slid into the driver seat of his AMG and stared out of the windshield. His stomach ached dully as rain began to sprinkle the glass and cars drove passed on the street. His eyes burned faintly.

He was thirty-five and he was on the verge of his first heat since he was little more than a child. His phone rang and he took it from his coat's pocket. He cleared his throat as he answered his assistant and started his car.

"Yes, I'm out of my appointment, I'll be to the office in less than an hour, Cooper," Castiel said as he closed out the sections of a mind that he chose not to handle.

A week later, Castiel sat at his desk in his flat with only the lamp beside him. His reflection glowed back at him through the open blinds on the dark window. If he squinted passed it, he could see the glow of lights on the neighboring building and the headlights far below.

He took a drink from the tumbler of scotch and looked up the top alpha agencies in the city. So far he had sorted through twenty. Most he discarded, because they were disgusting. Prostitution was prostitution, but he didn't understand why so many had to be perverted about it.

The contact his doctor had given him seemed to be the best. He opened their site again and a picture of, what he assumed were alphas, appeared with the agencies logo. The colors of the site were muted and clean. The few pictures of their alphas were black and white.

They were what alphas were supposed to be, well built, tall, and muscled. Some were finely toned and others were broader. The female alphas listed ranged from tall to short, from sculpted to slightly softer. He only gave that a glance before going to their male listings.

He read the short biographies beside each of their pictures. The one that caught his attention was named Balthazar. He snorted as he took another drink. The names they gave these men were just above strippers. The biographies were ridiculous. Apparently, Balthazar liked to read and play music with his band. Everything in it was bullshit.

Balthazar was an alpha, and everything they listed could be as toned down and tame as they wanted, but it changed nothing. But he was undeniably handsome. He looked older with gray hair and a sexual smile. It said he was from Britain. Castiel wondered if he would have an accent.

There was a tinge down his spine that flirted with his groin.

Tomorrow he would call and reserve Balthazar. If he had to deal with having an alpha with him during this time, at least he could be handsome.


	2. Chapter 2

Three weeks after, it happened while Castiel was walking down the hallway of his office building, toward a meeting. He rubbed idly at his stomach. It had been hurting for months, but this was more persistent.

He was looking at the floor as he walked. He didn't do it often, but when he was finished with this meeting, he would ask Cooper to try to clear his appointments. The cramps were becoming nauseating.

Then it felt like he hit a wall. He looked up and backed away, already beginning to apologize to the man he'd run into.

It was Paul. The CEO of the business they were merging with to need the meeting at all. Paul was in his twenties and roughly six three. He was also one of the only alphas Castiel approved to work with, because his father and grandfather had always been professional, respectable men, even with their biology.

Paul touched his shoulder and steadied him with a slight smile. "Okay, Castiel?"

"I'm fine. I'm sorry," Castiel said.

Then Paul's nose flared a fraction and he dropped his hand before taking a step back. He took a cloth square from his pocket and covered his nose and mouth with his face flushing slightly as he laughed nervously.

"I'm sorry, you caught me by surprise," Paul said through the cloth.

Then Castiel smelled the pheromones secreting from Paul's skin. Saliva puddled in his mouth then he felt the gush of his own fluids. Paul's eyes widened and he took another step back, holding up his hand.

"I'm sorry. I need to reschedule-," Paul said, then he turned and walked quickly the opposite direction.

Castiel nearly ran the other way with his underwear and slacks plastered to his skin and his heart hammering. Suddenly, he wasn't a CEO, he was sixteen and running with his gym short soaked to him.

Castiel locked himself in his office, ready to wait until the building had cleared before leaving, until Cooper, his assistant asked him if there was anything else he could do before he left for the evening. Cooper was a young omega, whose eyes flared with sympathy. Then Cooper called security, two betas that escorted Castiel from the building. Cooper walked with them.

"I've moved all of your appointments and had your apartment stocked with groceries. If you need me to I can have dinner brought to you. Just let me know where you'd want it from," Cooper chattered as Castiel leaned back against the rear of the private elevator. The two betas stood in front of them, with their hands crossed in front of them, like they were secret service. It embarrassed Castiel, but he couldn't deny that it calmed the anxiety while his fluids ran down his thighs.

Cooper leaned closer, "I had some supplies sent to your apartment. I didn't know if you had any since this was your first in a while."

"Thank you," Castiel said hoarsely as he closed his eyes and focused on the downward movement of the elevator and not his temperature steadily increasing.

His anxiety was already high at the thought of walking across the parking garage. It was evening. It would be dark there. He had parked in the back, the way he always did. There was no guarantee two betas would be enough against an alpha.

He was convincing himself he was being paranoid when the doors slid open and he was escorted through the side entrance of the building and directly to his car, waiting in the alley. A beta held the rear door open and helped Castiel sit inside before closing the door. The woman sitting in the driver seat turned to smile at him small in a sympathetic way.

"Home, Mr. Novak?"

"Yes. Thank you, Cathy," Castiel said, looking out of the window as the fever began.

When Castiel walked into his flat, he loosened his tie. He picked up his home phone and dialed the alpha service, trying to gain his breath. The cramps were coming in tighter waves, his skin was so hot. All he wanted to do was take a suppressant. He couldn't ignore that his backside was beginning to tingle while too much fluid came from it.

The phone rang until it was finally answered by a woman attempting to sound sultry.

"Domare Servitium, how can I help you?"

"I have a reservation for Castiel Novak," he said roughly.

He heard faint clicking then her voice came back. "Yes, Mr. Novak. Balthazar can be there tomorrow evening."

"No, I need him this evening."

"He's engaged this evening."

"I had a reservation," he said harshly.

"If you read on our site, a reservation needs twenty-four hours to be ensured."

"Then what is the point of a reservation?" Castiel yelled into the phone, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Sir, if you could stay calm," the woman said.

"It's hard to stay calm when I have enough liquid running from my body to swim in," he said roughly.

He heard the woman exhale and more clicking.

"I can send another alpha. He's six one, thirty-two with dark blonde hair and green eyes. He studied at Texas AM. He enjoys cars and classical rock-," she said.

"I don't fucking care," he said. "Send him."

He hung up on her telling him the alpha would be there within the hour. He began to pace and tried not to panic. He had run background checks on Balthazar. He had checked every source he knew to ensure that he was as upstanding as an alpha could be. Now, he was going in blind and he didn't like it.

He made himself sit down at his computer again, ignoring the sack sitting on his couch. He could see a cardboard box with illicit pictures on it. It would be a rubber knot. At the thought of using it more slick fell from him. He grimaced as sitting in his chair caused the clammy liquid to stick to his skin.

He opened Domare's website and looked for a profile that matched the alpha that had been described. The only alpha listed at thirty-two was female. There were none listed with blonde hair and green eyes.

"Fantastic," he said and went to make himself something to drink.

Castiel passed across the width of his living room without turning on a light. It felt like an electrical grid had been forced beneath his skin, making even the vibrations of his footsteps sensitive. The cotton of his undershirt was overly abrasive, but he didn't take it off. He wouldn't open the door, in heat and shirtless to an unknown alpha.

Then there was a knock on Castiel's door. He went toward it and looked out of the hole. The alpha stood too close to see any more than a distorted image. Castiel exhaled and unlocked the door before pulling it open.

The man leaned against one side of the door frame with a slow smile. It made Castiel's stomach lurch. The man looked like a prostitute from one of the lower end agencies. He was wearing coarse blue jeans, scuffed work boots, and a flannel over a low cut v-neck, showing the muscular set of his chest.

"What did they dress you as a plumber?" Castiel asked irritably.

The man laughed slightly still leaned against the door frame. "I just came from work, so uh, sorry. Was I supposed to be a sexy policeman?" the man asked, "Maybe a fireman? _I got all the hose you need, baby_."

If Castiel hadn't had a river going down his leg, he might have laughed despite himself. Instead, he frowned at the man and stepped back, letting him come into his house. As the man stepped passed him, Castiel couldn't stop the groan. He smelled like motor oil, and dust, and the earthiest healthy flare of masculine alpha.

The man turned around and smiled, "Yeah, you smell pretty good too," then he held out his hand as Castiel closed the door. "Dean Winchester."

"Castiel Novak," Castiel said, shaking Dean's hand. They were large and warm, enfolding his own.

"That's a sexy name," Dean said with his smirk still in place. "So how you want to do this? Want to talk a little?"

Castiel turned his back to Dean and unbuttoned his slacks then he pushed them off with his underwear. Then he leaned over the back of the couch.

"Or that," Dean said.

"Shut up and do your job," Castiel said.

"What, Cas? You want this knot?" Dean asked.

Castiel rolled his eyes and gritted his teeth as more lubrication seeped from him. Then he felt warmth on the bare skin of his ass.

"You smell so fucking good," Dean said roughly. "Gonna love fucking you through this couch."

"Shut up and fuck me," Castiel said between his teeth.

Dean laughed then smacked Castiel's ass before rubbing his dick through the wetness in his cleft. Both of them moaned gut deep. Dean spread him open and rocked back and forth over Castiel's hole. Castiel only felt his finger for a moment before it was pushed into him. Castiel choked up the air in his lungs and squeezed the cushion he was braced on.

"Jesus, you're tight," Dean said. "When was the last time you had sex?"

"Doesn't matter. Do it."

"Easy," Dean said, pushing up Castiel's shirt and rubbed his lower back. "You're burning up. How many days have you been in?"

"Hours. Not days," Castiel gritted out.

Dean's fingers arched in him and Castiel's back bowed with them as he pushed back. Then the fingers were gone. He looked over his shoulder and watched Dean put his fingers into his mouth. His full lips sealed around them. When he looked at Castiel, his eyes were blown and Castiel was having difficulty breathing again.

There was a low rumble. It took Castiel's mind a moment to catch up with his body. The rumble was Dean making a noise, a growl, like an alpha. Then it burned. Castiel moaned. It hurt, but it was good. It was so good.

He had forgotten what that felt like. He could smell his childhood bedroom, the laundry detergent his mother used, feel the wiry body of his first lover, laid over his back at sixteen.

He shoved it all away and focused on the feel of Dean fucking into him. The couch was creaking beneath their bodies shifting. Dean's hands gripped his hips, pulling him back. Castiel was pushing back with his hands planted on the couch. His tie swayed around his neck with each of Dean's movements.

Dean was spewing the disgusting profanities Castiel had expected from an alpha. He told Castiel how much he must want his cock. How he was a wet bitch. How he smelled like he only wanted to be knocked up.

Castiel ignored him and gripped his own erection with only a few pulls he came across the back of the leather.

"Gonna tie you up," Dean said roughly. "Beg for it, Cas. Come on, bitch."

Castiel reached back and gripped Dean's hip dragging him forward. Dean grunted and Castiel nearly screamed as the flared base of Dean's dick slid into him. He winced as he felt Dean orgasm inside of him, coating his walls.

The confliction was nearly painful, as he wanted to tear himself from the man behind him and at the other end, he only wanted to be touched and enjoy the sensation of being full. He squeezed his eyes shut and wished he had taken a suppressant as Dean rocked against him at the peak of his orgasm before calming.

"Hey, ah Cas, you want to maybe move this over to the bed?" Dean asked, breathing heavily.

"Fine," Castiel said with his eyes already closed and the cramps beginning to ease.

Castiel went to awkwardly shuffle, but Dean picked him up around his middle, keeping them close together. Dean carried him to the bed then sat on the edge. Castiel moaned as it pushed Dean deeper into him. Castiel arched downward and Dean pushed up.

"Shit you feel like a fucking virgin," Dean said.

Castiel leaned his head back against Dean's shoulder with his eyesight fluttering.

"That's it," Dean said, "Just lay back."

Castiel tried to tune him out, only felt the rumble of Dean's voice against his back then his hands pushing down Castiel's slacks and underwear then his shoes. Castiel cock dribbled against his stomach when Dean shifted, removing his shoes.

Then Dean began to unbutton Castiel's shirt when it was undone he slid his hands over Castiel's chest, pushing the shirt from his shoulders. Then he pulled off Castiel's t-shirt beneath. When he finished, Dean's bare chest was sealed against his back.

Dean's hand cupped Castiel's bare lower stomach and massaged his fingers into it gently.

"How are you so hot? This is going to be a rough one, Cas," Dean said quietly near his ear. "Don't worry, I'll be right here," he said then pushed up his hips. Castiel moaned. "I'll be right here keeping you all filled up."

Castiel grunted something as Dean continued to rub his stomach softly. He began to drift as Dean pulled him backward and laid down, rolling them on their sides. Castiel pressed the side of his face heavily into his pillow as Dean continued to massage him.

Faintly, he hated that an alpha was in his bed, that he was being held in one's arms and that biology was allowing that to feel wonderful while his brain screamed that it wasn't, and it was drowned under exhaustion.


	3. Chapter 3

Castiel woke with the smell of motor oil and sweat in his sheets. He rolled onto his stomach and felt the prostitute's dick slide from him. His head pounded and his stomach ached again. The sheets were abrasive, but the arm laid over his side felt very soft and hard in a pleasing way.

Castiel glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was only nine pm. It had only been two or three hours since the prostitute-. His name was Dean, Castiel remembered as he moved to sit up. Dean's arm tightened over him. Castiel's heart hitched then he shoved Dean's arm away.

"Sorry," Dean said, patting Castiel's lower back lazily.

Castiel said nothing and went to his bathroom attached to the bedroom. He turned on the shower, and went to the sink to brush his teeth and clear the bitterness of sleeping from them. As he did, the steam began to fog the mirror and the bottoms of the glass surrounding the shower. Castiel looked at himself before he spit. His hair was disheveled and his skin was gaunt. He already looked sickly and it hadn't even truly begun.

He spit and wiped his mouth before stepping into the shower. The water was scalding with his fever, but he couldn't cool it down, as he turned and spread himself open to wash away the semen tacking in his cleft.

His opening was tender as he brushed his fingers over it, swollen and puff, but already it reacted to his own touch, moistening again.

When he was cleaned, he stayed beneath the spray. With the steam, the scent of anything but water, tile cleaner, and soap were drowned. His instinct whined with the knowledge that an alpha laid in his bed, just beyond the door. All the rest of him assured that this was preferred.

When the water began to go passed comfortably cool, he stepped out and dried himself. He went back to his bedroom with the towel around his waist and took a pair of underwear from his dresser. He ignored Dean as he let the towel drop and pulled the underwear on.

"How are you feeling?" Dean asked.

Castiel looked over his shoulder and felt a full body flush. Dean was looking down his back, down to where he had just covered himself. He cleared his throat.

"Fine."

"Really?" Dean asked, pushing back the comforter and standing. "Because it doesn't smell like you're fine."

Castiel looked down Dean's body then glanced away. The agency clearly had their people stay in shape. Dean was half erect and Castiel's body reacted, wasting the fresh underwear he'd just put on.

"You're paying for it, might as well use it," Dean said.

Castiel was frozen, staring at the ground. Then Dean touched his side. He slid his hand over Castiel's ribs slowly until reaching his stomach. Castiel glanced at him and saw the question in Dean's eyes. He made his breathing forcibly deep as he nodded. He would never get the smell of alpha out of his flat after this. It hung like humidity.

Dean turned him and maneuvered him against his chest as he leaned down. Castiel bared his neck and stared at the far wall. Dean kissed the v of muscle along his throat while kneading his fingers into Castiel's back. Castiel squeezed his eyes shut and focused on his breathing as another cramp passed through his lower stomach and more lubrication matted his underwear to himself.

He pulled away from Dean and pushed down his underwear before walking to his bed and getting on his hands and knees in the middle. It took a few moments for him to feel Dean's weight on the mattress, but he didn't look behind. He kept his eyes on the ruffled sheets and blankets, glowing in the bleed through of the cities lights through his window.

Dean's skin was like water against the back of his thighs, soothing the burning. Then Dean's hand was rubbing up his spine and the other was sliding a finger into Castiel.

"You're already so tight for me again," Dean said.

Castiel gritted his teeth. "You don't have to do that. Just fuck me, please."

"How about you just let me make you feel good?" Dean asked.

Castiel exhaled and tensed. Dean added another finger. Castiel flinched. He was wet. He could feel that. His body wanted this, but he couldn't relax. He was drawn tight like a support cable and he couldn't release his mental death grip. He breathed more deeply through his nose to try and bring Dean's scent in. As much as he hated this, if his genetics could ease this for him, then that's what he wanted. He didn't want this to hurt.

He began to panic.

Then Dean's fingers were gone. Castiel breathed quickly and shallow as his heart raced at the knowledge that Dean was about to push into him while his muscles were so tight. He readied himself for the pressure and the unbearable sting.

Then Dean was pulling him open and coolness smothered his opening. He tried to pull away, his gut's reaction to the unknown, but Dean held him in place by his hips. Then it registered what Dean was doing, and Castiel's tension burned itself out like a blessing.

Dean licked around his opening then pressed his tongue inside of Castiel. Castiel drug one of the pillows beneath his chest and leaned his chest onto it as he muffled his noises into the cotton. He had grabbed the pillow that Dean had slept on. It was soaked in his scent.

"That's better, right, Cas?" Dean asked as he reached between Castiel's legs and tugged his erection.

"Yes," Castiel ground out.

He thought he heard Dean laugh quietly, but it was overshadowed by his own moan as Dean pushed his finger in again. There was no pain this time, not even as he added more. Then Castiel was moaning beneath Dean's weight with Dean rutting into his body. Dean gripped his shoulder for leverage and fucked into Castiel hard with Castiel's wordless noises.

When they were locked together again, Castiel felt the rush of relief, like drinking a glass of perfectly chilled water in the dead of summer. He panted from it as his spine tingled. He could hardly move as Dean laid them on their sides again.

"How is your stomach?" Dean asked.

"Full."

Dean laughed slightly near Castiel's ear as his hand moved back to his lower stomach and began to massage again. The three hours of sleep before had been restful, but to escape that he was knotted, he fell back asleep.

When Castiel woke it was to Dean shifting against his back. His mind was fuzzy and distantly he realized he was sweating into the sheets and Dean was fucking into him. The movement was upsetting his stomach. He felt like he might vomit. He grunted and looked over his shoulder at Dean looking down between them and holding him around his middle. Then Dean looked up and gave a ragged smile.

"Don't look at me like that, you molested me first," Dean said.

Castiel frowned at Dean, but it was cut short as Dean moved his hand over Castiel's hip and grabbed his swollen dick. Castiel's head dropped back onto his pillow as he groaned. Already he was tender, but the pressure from both angles was intensely pleasurable. He began to climax before the fog of sleep had entirely cleared then Dean was close behind, spilling himself and cooling Castiel.

When Castiel began to breathe more evenly, he raised his head and looked at the clock. It was only two in the morning. He shouldn't be so hot already. He shouldn't be sweating yet. If sweating and nausea came at all, it was toward the third day. The first few days should be easier.

He couldn't sleep again. So he laid in bed, staring at the wall just beneath the window as Dean breathed heavily against his back. One of his hands was on Castiel's side, rubbing. Castiel frowned. This alpha was very hands on. He went to tell Dean to stop, but he closed his mouth. They would be locked together many times over the next few days, there was no need to make this anymore awkward than it already was. If Dean enjoyed touching, then he could do what he wanted. The physical sensation of it was enjoyable if Castiel let it be.

Finally, Dean pulled back slightly and his cock slid from Castiel. Castiel laid still from a moment, then stood and pulled on his damp underwear before he went toward the kitchen. He enjoyed the openness of flat normally, but now he could feel Dean watching him and he wished his home had more walls. As he pulled open the refrigerator for a bottle of water, he heard movement in his bedroom, then Dean's footsteps.

"Would you like something to drink?" Castiel asked.

"Do you have any beer?"

Castiel snorted quietly. The alpha would want beer. He decidedly ignored the hypocrisy of his criticism, when he took a bottle from the lower shelf and another bottle of water. He gave both to Dean, who was leaned against the counter beside him. The apartment was still very dark, but the refrigerator light shone on Dean's body, highlighting the muscular contours of his torso. Castiel looked at him while the open door pushed out cooled air on his overly heated skin.

He stared until he heard Dean laugh quietly. Then he looked up to Dean's face to see him grinning again. Castiel closed the refrigerator and went to the living room. He clicked on a lamp beside the computer desk. He winced and looked away as the light made his head pound.

He glanced over his shoulder at Dean walking toward the couch in only a pair of boxers. A low cramp passed through Castiel's stomach. He went to the bathroom and sorted through his medicine cabinet to the side of the sink. He took a bottle of pain killers he'd been prescribed for a mild shoulder injury over a year before. He put the bottle back and his vision hung on the suppressants sitting near the front.

Finally, he closed the cabinet and went back to the living room and took the pain medication. Dean leaned against the couch arm. Castiel looked at him, then glanced away when Dean smiled again. He didn't think when he ordered this he would have to entertain. Then again, he hadn't thought much about the times between heat waves they would have to spend together. He had assumed that the alpha would just disappear in a puff of smoke then magically appeared when he needed his assistance again.

"Make yourself comfortable," Castiel said.

Then he sat in his office chair and started his computer. He heard the couch compress as Dean sat then the quiet click of the television as it came on. Soon the blue light of the screen glowed against Castiel's peripheral vision.

"I don't have satellite, but I have a movie service," Castiel began to say, then he saw the logo of the movie service on the screen.

"Way ahead of ya," Dean said. "What do you want to watch?"

"I have emails to go through," Castiel said, squinting at the computer screen as his head continued to pound.

He turned down the brightness and the pain dulled slightly. The pain medication would take it away soon, but by the way his stomach's cramps were coming on sooner, he didn't have long to sort through what he had missed in the last few hours. There were only a handful surprisingly. The one at the top was from Cooper.

_Mr. Novak, _

_I've taken care of your appointments and cleared your calendar for the next week. I'll only forward you the most important things and if you preferred I didn't do that, then let me know and I'll hold them for you. _

_Let me know if you need anything. Hope you feel better soon. _

_Cooper_

Castiel smiled faintly. It was relieving to know things were being taken care professionally at least. He went through the few emails Cooper had forwarded. One was from Paul Norton, the alpha he had run into before the meeting. It was an apology for his actions and a promise that it would never happen again, as well as a hope that it wouldn't affect their working relationship. Castiel replied telling Paul he had nothing to be sorry for and apologized for putting them in the situation to begin with. It made him feel good that Paul was proving to be just as reliable as his father.

Distantly, he wondered if Paul was seeking a partner. Paul hadn't smelled unappealing in the slightest. He was very handsome, well established, and respectful. Another mild cramp seized Castiel's stomach, pushing more lubricant from him. He heard Dean shift on the couch and cleared his own throat.

That was enough of thinking about that.

He made it through three emails before he began to sweat. It began on his forehead, catching in his brows. Even the glow of the monitor felt warm. Touching the keypad was nearly unbearable. The leather of the chair began to stick to his back and thighs.

Castiel leaned over his computer and opened the window in front of his desk. A breeze came through the screen and he exhaled as the smell of rain and car exhaust filtered in. It dulled Dean's scent and that somehow made it worse, as he searched for the scent beneath the smell of the city. On the television, someone laughed and Dean laughed too.

Castiel closed his eyes and breathed, squeezing the wooden top of his desk.

"You know, you can sit over there and sweat to death or you can come over here and I'll keep you cool," Dean said.

"I don't need to have sex yet, thank you," Castiel said, taking in deep lungfuls of air as his temperature increased.

"No one said sex," Dean said.

"I'm fine," Castiel said, making himself sit back on the slick leather.

Castiel opened another email and focused on the words. He read the first line repeatedly as he kept having to wipe his forehead then his neck. Sweat began to drip down his chest and run into the band of his underwear. His testicles were sticking to his thighs.

The air shifted around him and he groaned, dropping his head into his hands. It smelled like the sea made of waters far too cold to swim. It was bracing and he felt his skin tingle as goose bumps rose on his sweat soaked skin.

Then Dean touched the back of his neck. It was like ice. His palm was so beautifully frigid. Then Dean was rubbing his shoulders and down his back.

"There ya go, Cas," Dean said low.

It hurt to breath. Dean's scent was like breathing in winter, but he continued to, because he needed it as badly as he needed the oxygen. The throbbing in his lower stomach increased and he knew it would be incapacitating if he hadn't taken the pain medication. More lubricant burned from his opening.

Castiel pushed back his chair and stood up, brushing passed Dean. He went to the bed again and left his underwear on the floor as he got on his hands and knees again. There wasn't any apprehension this time. His body had gone passed the point of tension. It was bordering on desperation, but he kept his mouth clenched around the words a less man would have said. He kept himself from begging Dean to fuck him. Presenting like this was degrading enough.

Then Dean was behind him again. When he touched Castiel's hole with his hand, Castiel pulled away.

"Stop with foreplay. Fuck me or leave."

Dean gripped his hip and pulled him back, but Castiel felt nothing touch him. He looked behind him as Dean bent to look at his opening. He felt the brush of Dean's fingers probing the outer ring. It stung, but he groaned.

"Do it," Castiel said, squeezing the sheets.

"Calm down," Dean said roughly.

Castiel froze. His heart pounded and his head dropped forward against the mattress. He wanted to argue, but the way Dean had spoken didn't leave room for it. Instead, he panted against the sheets, breathing in the heat and bitterness of his own breath as Dean touched him too gently.

Then Dean was kneeling behind him. His thighs brushed the back of Castiel's then he pushed inside. Castiel made a strangled noise as it pushed the cramps in his stomach harder. His nausea returned and pushed against his throat. The friction was so hot. It was so ungodly hot.

Then Dean laid over his back, holding him around his middle with one arm and holding himself up with the other. Castiel arched back against him. Dean's skin was soothing, like aloe applied to a sunburn. Castiel clutched Dean's arm around him.

"Harder," Castiel said through gritted teeth as he pressed back against Dean's thrusts.

Dean moved a fraction faster. The bed moved beneath them, but it wasn't as hard as Dean could be. He'd been more forceful the first time. Castiel squeezed Dean's wrist.

"Fuck, harder," Castiel said.

Dean reached under Castiel and pulled his erection firmly without speeding. Any more protest was drown under an orgasm and before Castiel could think coherently enough to ask again, Dean was locked into him and cumming as well. Castiel's arms shook, then he collapsed.

Dean picked him up again and moved to the head of the bed, laying them down. Castiel hadn't realized he was still clutching Dean's wrist until he realized where the smell of sea salt was coming from. He had Dean's palm pressed to his nose and mouth, heaving in lungfuls.

"That's the last time for a while," Dean said behind him.

"Do you need time to recuperate?" Castiel asked, breathing so hard he wasn't sure he would finish the sentence.

"An hour maybe, but it's not that," Dean said. He reached between them and gently pushed at the rim of Castiel's hole. Castiel winced and pulled away slightly. "I'm not going to split you open."

"How courteous of you."

Dean laughed slightly, but even with the very little time he'd known him, Castiel could tell there was no humor in it.

"Listen, I'm not a doctor or anything, but from my experience, most omegas don't need it this often. Not anywhere close. I've never seen someone get as hot either. Maybe you should go pop a few suppressants and sit this one out," Dean said.

Castiel grunted in reply.

"I'm serious," Dean said. His hand returned to Castiel's lower stomach again. "You don't smell healthy, man."

"Twelve years of suppressants will do that," Castiel said.

Castiel regretted saying it as soon as he opened his mouth. He didn't want pity, he certainly didn't want it from an alpha prostitute, but there was something genuine in Dean's voice and in his actions. He had his prejudice, but he wasn't a cold-hearted man.

"Holy shit," Dean said.

Castiel made a non-committal noise as Dean continued to massage his lower stomach. It helped to lessen the cramps with the medication and a fresh dose of Dean's pheromones. He was nearly comfortable for a few precious moments. He hoped Dean wouldn't ask anything else, and to his relief, Dean didn't.

Castiel was drifting when Dean pulled out of him and left the bed. He saw the bathroom light flip on and heard the sink running. He was nearly asleep again when cool wetness passed between his cleft, pressing at his hole. His breath caught as Dean then passed it over his limp dick and testicles. He moaned tiredly as Dean washed away the sweat and combined semen from his skin. By the time Dean was finished, Castiel was looking down at him, laying on his back.

His face was as aesthetically pleasing as his body. The bathroom light shone on his hair, bringing out the natural higher notes of blonde from the dark background. His skin was lightly tanned and his face had fine stubble. With the fine line of his nose and fullness of his lips, he was beautifully handsome.

"Why do you do this?" Castiel asked with his voice roughened from the noises he had been making.

"Because it sucks to walk around with cum all over you," Dean said.

Castiel smiled small. "I mean, this," he said and gestured to the living room. Indicating everything.

Dean shrugged, still rubbing the washrag across Castiel's stomach. "It pays the bills and I get to have sex."

The reality of Dean's answer was very honest and that was refreshing, but it was the answer he would have expected from any alpha, not an alpha that had been careful with him. Not one that was almost tenderly cleaning his body. Then he knew nothing about this industry aside from what he'd read. This could be how all alphas treated their clients.

When Dean looked up again, he held Castiel's eyes for a few moments.

"And I guess, I know I'll treat them as good as I can. I'll make sure they're taken care of and don't have to worry about some guy being a prick on top of already being uncomfortable."

Castiel gave Dean a small tired smile. "That's noble."

Dean gave a real laugh again. "You've got a strange definition of the word," then he shrugged again. "I figure, if I don't do it then who else will?"

Castiel laughed slightly. It wasn't particularly funny, only than there were many worse jobs one could feel a compulsion to do. The honest sound surprised him and he was worried Dean would get offended for a fraction of a second before Dean smiled.

"Look at that, he's even more handsome when he smiles."

Castiel snorted as he felt a different kind of heat faintly color his cheeks. It wasn't maddening, it was almost pleasant. He allowed Dean to clean the rest of his stomach, then he sat up.

"Excuse me," Castiel said, then he stood and went to the bathroom.

He closed the door without feeling uncomfortable in nearly twelve hours. It seemed there were small blessings. This heat wouldn't be pleasant, but at least there may be pockets of comfort, which was more than he had thought to hope for.


	4. Chapter 4

When Castiel came from the bathroom, Dean was sorting through a duffle bag on the couch and wearing a pair of loose cotton pants. Castiel went to his dresser and pulled on a fresh pair of underwear.

"Do you want me to put this somewhere?" Dean asked, holding up the bag. Dean hadn't come in with it, so he assumed he'd gone to his car.

"The closet is fine. You can use the bottom dresser drawer if you want or hang things in the closet," Castiel said.

Dean went to the closet and tossed the bag inside. His clothes were going to be horribly wrinkled, but Castiel didn't plan on taking him anywhere, so he didn't particularly care. He went to the refrigerator again and took out another bottle of water finishing it quickly and taking another to the living room with him.

"What do you do in between?" Castiel asked.

Dean shrugged, "I don't know. You can do whatever it is you do normally and I can keep myself entertained. Or we can talk some. You can get to know the dude sticking his dick up your ass."

"I know you enough. Thank you," Castiel said.

"Ah come on, don't be one of those alphas," Dean said with a small laugh.

"I don't know what you mean."

"I'm more than a dick, as nice as my dick might be," Dean said and winked.

Castiel snorted, not able to restrain his own small smile.

"And I'm cozier than shoving an ice block down your pants," Dean said, sitting back on the couch and holding out his arm for Castiel to lean against him.

Castiel sat at the opposite end of the couch. "What were you going to watch?"

Dean dropped his arm and smiled partially at Castiel. He was glad Dean didn't seem to be taking his rejections to heart. They weren't meant to barb, but he didn't see the reasoning to crowd each other until it became a necessity. Although, the cloth of the couch was already beginning to chaff his shoulders.

"Comedy okay?"

"That's fine," Castiel said.

"Huh, you didn't strike me as the kind of guy who liked that stuff."

"I like to laugh."

"Really now? So far the only thing I've seen you laugh at was me," Dean said.

"Maybe you just aren't funny," Castiel said.

"Ohh low, Cas," Dean said with a mock groan.

Castiel smiled faintly as he watched Dean sort through the comedy section of the movie service. He settled on a movie called Groundhog Day. Castiel had heard of it, but he'd never seen it. He did like Bill Murray. He couldn't remember what he had seen him in, but he had enjoyed it. He thought.

They made it halfway before Castiel was wiping sweat from his forehead and Dean was dragging him bodily to press against him. Dean laid down on the couch and tucked Castiel in against the back of the couch and his long bare side. Castiel laid his cheek on Dean's chest as the heat began to wear on his sense.

"So if you don't watch movies, what do you do?" Dean asked.

"I work," Castiel said without lifting his head.

"What do you do?"

"I'm the CEO of Hallet. We make-," Castiel began.

"I know what you make. I have your tires on my Impala," Dean said. "Really? You're the CEO?"

Castiel nodded against Dean's cool skin. "Six years and counting."

"Then you like cars?" Dean asked.

"Yes."

"Awesome. I'm a mechanic."

"I thought you were a prostitute," Castiel said. It felt like he were drunk with the heat building again and being so close to Dean. His coolness was keeping the edge of the fever away, but being near was clouding his mind and making him say things he normally wouldn't. To his slightly relief, Dean laughed.

"Sometimes. Working at the shop actually pays the bills though. This just gives me a little more cash to play around with," Dean said.

"Your profile wasn't on the website," Castiel said.

"I'm new. I worked for a place on the north end for a few years before this."

Castiel frowned. "Are you clean?"

"You better hope so, right?" Dean asked. Then he laughed at Castiel's frown. "Yes, I'm clean. They test us each time."

"How did you start?" Castiel asked, watching the movie over Dean's chest, but not paying attention. His skin was beginning to seal against Dean's with moisture. The stomach cramps hadn't worsened beyond their monotonous back drop, though.

Dean shrugged beneath him. "My parents died when I was twenty. My brother presented as an omega and the system threatened to take him away from me. So I had to start a steady income to get a house nice enough for the social worker to approve and to pay for the psychology tests to prove I was stable enough to keep Sam in the house. Then after that was all over, I had to put money toward his college fund. Our parents had covered a lot of it, but a little more never hurt."

The hum of Dean's voice was comforting beneath Castiel's ear, but he didn't allow himself to be absorbed by it as he listened. He hadn't expected the honesty, but he appreciated it very much. He didn't know how to express that. He wasn't the greatest in social situations, so he laid his hand on Dean's sternum.

"You sound like an amazing brother."

"He's a shit, but I love him," Dean said with his light-hearted smile.

"Where is he now?"

"In the city. He's a lawyer. He went to Stanford."

"That's impressive."

"Yeah he knows it too."

Castiel smiled faintly. "You must be proud."

Dean shrugged again, "He's not a huge disappointment." Then he looked down at Castiel. "So, now answer one of mine."

Castiel only continued to look up at Dean, waiting for him to ask his question.

"Why were you on suppressants for twelve years?"

"I was raped."

Castiel had a habit of spewing sensitive information in a non-delicate way and he watched its effect on Dean. The playful expression disappeared and other emotions followed closely behind. There was of course, sympathy. There was always sympathy, which Castiel begrudgingly accepted as unavoidable. Then something that may have been understanding.

Castiel began to talk. He couldn't decide if it was because Dean had been so honest with him, if the heat was making him softer, or if he didn't like that he felt he had made Dean uncomfortable with his answer.

"He was the older brother of my high school boyfriend. Our parents, like many in small towns like I'm from, looked the other way when my first heats began and I spent time with Gabriel. We planned to be partnered when we were of age and we had our parents' approval. Then when I was nineteen, I was at Gabriel's during a heat. His parents were out of town and his brother was home from college. He and his friend caught me in the basement and kept me there through the night and afternoon, while Gabriel slept."

Dean was massaging his neck now. "Then your boyfriend didn't know?"

"I don't believe so. We didn't speak but a handful of times after. Luke and Mike, the two alphas, were sentenced to twenty-five years in prison. It caused tension and I believe he felt guilty or possibly he just didn't want to handle what it had done psychologically."

Dean leaned down and kissed Castiel's hair. The intimacy of it made him jump slightly. It was very tender.

"And all this time I just thought you were an asshole," Dean said.

Castiel laughed. "I have my hang-ups, I admit, but that isn't generally one of them."

"Think you might be entitled to a few," Dean said, still rubbing his neck. "But that doesn't explain why it's been twelve years. They told me you were thirty-five."

"I moved to live with my grandmother after. She was progressive, but she didn't believe in suppressants. She didn't want me on them. She was afraid they would make me infertile. Now it seems she may not have been wrong."

"You can't have kids?" Dean asked.

"My doctor doesn't know. I was taken off suppressants a month ago. They've been damaging my ovaries and kidneys."

"Sorry, Cas, but no shit. You can't suppress stuff for that long and expect the system not to get junked up. Now I get it. You're just trying to reset itself."

"Essentially, yes," Castiel said.

Castiel rubbed his cheek against Dean's chest roughly. He didn't know why he'd done it until he smelled Dean more fully. He rubbed his cheek against him again. His stubble rasped over Dean's skin. Then he turned and put his mouth on Dean to see if he tasted as cool as he smelled. He sucked toward the center of Dean's chest.

Dean grunted. "You change gears quick."

Castiel grunted around the skin in his mouth. It wasn't as cold as Dean smelled, but it was soothing. He pushed off his underwear with one hand as lubricant began to bubble from his opening. His stomach began to cramp in earnest as he went to straddle Dean's hips.

Dean held him in place. "No. We have to wait awhile."

"It burns," Castiel said.

His eyesight was beginning to unfocused as more sweat poured down his brow. He was beginning to pant. His entrance was grasping around nothing and the emptiness was beginning to go passed uncomfortable to pain. Dean caught his lower face in his hand, squeezing until Castiel looked him in the eyes.

"We're going to try something. Lay still. You can't move right now."

Castiel made a noise low in his throat. It sounded like a whine as he rutted his hips uselessly against Dean's thigh. In some region of his brain, he was mortified at himself. This was not how he acted. He would be better than his hormones. He wasn't an animal. That voice screamed when he whined into Dean's throat. It was like being a prisoner in his own mind. He knew what was happening, but he couldn't stop it. He was being needy and base, but he physically couldn't stop. It shouldn't be this severe. He shouldn't be reacting like this, not at all and certainly not this quickly. Dean didn't seem panicked by it.

Castiel made himself breathe deeply. He could trust Dean to be his barometer in his. Surely, Dean would speak if something were very wrong.

Dean pushed down his own pants and began to masturbate, squeezing Castiel to his side. Castiel laid his cheek on Dean's chest and cupped his hand around Dean's testicles. They were heavy and cool like pieces of stone wrapped in silk. They were so soft. He watched as Dean's knot began to form at the base of his penis. He brushed his fingers over it and Dean exhaled sharply. Lubricant flooded between Castiel's cheeks.

Castiel reached behind himself and wiped some of the liquid into his hand before wrapping it around Dean's knot and spreading it over Dean's dick. Dean groaned deeply and pulled on himself quicker. Dean wrapped one hand tightly around his knot and tugged with the other until his body jerked and he began to cum over his own stomach.

"Drink some," Dean said roughly.

Castiel dragged his tongue over Dean's stomach. He licked puddles of semen from Dean's chest, neck, and stomach, sucking at his skin when he finished with each spot. The sperm was cool going down his throat. It had a slightly bitter edge, but no more bitter than a sweet lemon. It was his condition that made it addicting, but it didn't matter. He wasn't there to judge himself, not at that moment.

He was busy licking the continuing flow from around Dean's knot when Dean sat up and yanked him up. Castiel whined, trying to twist to get back to Dean's stomach when Dean slipped his fingers into his body. Then he arched his back and went still. It was so cool. So blessedly cool. He froze as Dean began to reach between them to tug at his own dick farther then massage the semen into Castiel's hole.

"Is it working?" Dean asked roughly.

"Yes," Castiel said with his eyes squeezed shut.

Dean continued to work semen into him, using only his fingers. As Castiel's control returned, he was thankful that Dean hadn't done anything more. Even his fingers reminded him of how tender he was. Groundhog Day continued to play while Castiel laid on top of Dean and Dean continued his administrations.

"That's all I've got," Dean said as the credits began to play. He squeezed Castiel's ass.

"Thank you," Castiel said.

Then he began to get up, as comfortable as Dean felt, it couldn't be comfortable for Dean, who was being crushed beneath his weight. Without his fingers inside of Castiel, it was becoming uncomfortable for him as well. Castiel stood and pulled on his underwear.

"Would food be appealing?" Castiel asked.

"How do you go from being a finger puppet to Rain Man in less than a minute?" Dean asked, putting his hand behind his head.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Castiel said, as he went to the kitchen and took menus from one of the drawers. He brought them back to the couch and gave them to Dean. "They'll deliver."

Dean flipped through them before holding up one for a burger restaurant Castiel had been to a handful of times. He wasn't overly fond of their food. It was normally coated in a layer of grease, but they did serve a chocolate milkshake that sounded inexplicably good at the moment.

"Sound good?" Dean asked.

"That's fine," Castiel said.

Castiel placed the order and Dean started another movie. When the food came, Castiel paid and they ate on the couch at opposite ends. When the heat waves began again, Castiel tucked his feet beneath Dean's thigh and Dean began to rub his leg. They said nothing about it, but Castiel watched the clock closely. When he had held off an hour longer than the last lapse between waves, he moved closer to Dean, who pulled him in against him. Dean aided him the same way. He fell into an exhausted sleep without moving away from Dean, holding on to him and unwilling to move.


	5. Chapter 5

When Castiel woke up again, sunlight was coming in the windows. The curtains had been drawn and the blinds closed, which he hadn't done, but his head still pounded. When he sat up, he grunted and clutched his stomach as a wave of nausea and pain swept through him. He reached for the opposite side of the bed, for Dean, but his hand only gripped sheets.

"Dean," he said with his teeth pressed tightly.

Dean didn't answer. His apartment was large, but not so much that Dean wouldn't hear him. He stood and immediately bowed into himself as his muscles tightened. Natural lubricant burned out of him, joining congealing liquids already in his underwear. Dried fluid pulled at the hairs on the back of his thighs as he walked to the living room.

Dean wasn't there. He wasn't in the kitchen either. Castiel clutched the back of the couch to stay upright and picked up his home phone. He dialed his doctor's office and waited as it rang. After nearly a minute, a receptionist answered.

"St. Alister's Office of Gynecology, how can I help you?"

"I need to speak to Dr. Aims. It's an emergency," he said.

"May I ask whose calling?"

"Castiel Novak."

"One moment," she said.

It wasn't a moment. It seemed endless. Castiel listened to the jazz track that even he knew was outdated as he waited. He was leaned on the back of the couch on his elbows when the phone was finally answered.

"Castiel, how can I help you?" Dr. Aims asked.

"I've gone into cycle and the symptoms are severe," Castiel said. He tried to keep his voice composed, but he could hear the pain leaking into it.

"I expected it would be. Did you call the agency I referred?"

"Yes. I've been having to use him hourly, two hours at the longest. Except for when I am able to sleep a handful of hours," Castiel said.

Dr. Aims made a sympathetic noise. "How are the cramps and fever?"

"It's painful to stand. Is there anything I can take?"

"I can prescribe a low dose pain medication and fever suppressants. They'll make you tired, but hopefully you can sleep through most of it. I don't want you to take anything else. This is about cleaning your body out, not congesting it more."

"Yes, doctor," Castiel said.

"I'm sorry, Castiel. It should pass within three days of when it started. Hang in there."

"Thank you," Castiel said.

Then he ended the call.

He went to the thermostat and turned down the air conditioner to its lowest setting and went back to the living room. Until Dean returned he could use the artificial knot and take a cold bath. That should help to take off the sharpest edge. The box was on the coffee table in front of the couch. There was a piece of paper on top with tight sloppy handwriting.

_Had to go to the shop for a few hours. I'll be back as soon as I can. If you have to take care of yourself be careful. _

_Dean_

Castiel tossed the note onto the table and tore open the cardboard. He cut himself on the plastic that enclosed it, but he hardly noticed as his breathing and heartbeat accelerated. It was a fairly modest-sized dildo. It certainly wasn't as large as Dean, but the proportions would do what he needed. He looked around for the plastic sack the box had come in and found it on the floor. He snatched it up and took out the other item. A tube of artificial alpha pheromone.

Castiel planned to go to the tub, but he didn't make it there. He pushed off his underwear and leaned back on the couch. He squeezed the pheromone onto his hand and groaned. It had a faint rubber note on the back of its scent, but mostly it smelled mouth-watering. Still it wasn't as good and soothing as Dean, but enough. He slathered the toy with it, using too much and drops fell onto his stomach and groin. Then he drew his knees against his chest and shoved it into himself.

He felt the sting of his outer rim tearing. The sting grew worse as the pheromones ground into the lesion and the friction warmed it, but he didn't stop. He dug his fingers into the cushion and pressed his lower half into his own ministrations while his shoulders dug into the upholstery below.

Without Dean there, he didn't attempt not to make noise. He didn't know that he could have kept from it even if Dean were there. Yesterday had been uncomfortable, bordering on painful at times, this was nearly unbearable. He fucked the knot at the base of the toy into himself repeatedly, feeling it snag on his opening, but only feeling full when it was inside. But if he left it inside, the stimulation wasn't nearly enough.

The pheromone wasn't working. He poured more onto the toy and shoved it back in, then doused it again until it came out a freely as his own liquids. He clenched his teeth as the heat and discomfort built and he pulled at his own erection. Each time he climaxed was like milking heat from the desert. There was always more to fill its void.

That was how Dean found him. He didn't know how Dean had gotten into his house, but then again he hadn't checked to see that the door was locked. He hardly knew Dean was there until he smelled him and he released another meager dribble of cum onto his own stomach.

"Fuck, Cas," Dean said, shoving a paper sack on the coffee table then sitting on the open end of the couch.

"Do it," Castiel said roughly. "Fuck me."

Dean caught his wrist and shoved it away from the dildo. With his other hand, Dean carefully pulled the toy from Castiel. Castiel hissed at the burn and at feeling empty. The cramps increased immediately.

Castiel reached down and pulled himself open with his knees spread wide. "Dean, please."

He could see Dean's erection through his oil stained jeans. That smell was like food. He was hungry for it. Saliva pooled in his mouth for the sea salt and chill of Dean's smell. The thoughts that tore through his head were violent. He wanted Dean to hold him down and tie him repeatedly without giving him an opportunity to breath. He wanted to be choked on Dean's cock while it was forced down his throat and Dean quenched the fire in his body with his fluids.

"Goddamn it," Dean said.

The tone wasn't what Castiel expected. It was very harsh. Dean was leaned over, looking at his opening and brushing his thumb near it.

"Could you not feel yourself doing this?" Dean asked angrily, looking at Castiel.

Castiel felt himself recoil from the tone. Something he had not felt in a very long time urged him to sit up and crawl against Dean, to kiss his neck, and bare his own. It should be enough that he was on his back. He was showing his stomach. He didn't know how much more vulnerable he could be. Dean should be rutting into him and giving him what he needed. He was an alpha, that's what they were good for.

"Fuck me. I need you to fuck me," Castiel said in the best commanding voice he could manage.

"Yeah, not going to fucking happen," Dean said, then he stood up and unbuttoned his jeans, shoving them down to his thighs with his underwear. He kneeled on the floor then yanked Castiel around until his back was against the rear of the couch and his thighs were spread in front of him.

Dean shoved Castiel's thighs toward his chest and began to lick his opening. Castiel was right. It didn't matter if Dean were there, he couldn't stop the noises that were coming from his mouth. The small part of his mind that was even left to care was comforted by the fact that this was Dean's job. He was paying Dean to do this. He didn't have to impress him.

Over his own sounds and the wet noise of Dean licking him, he heard the slick sound of Dean masturbating. He grunted and pushed his opening harder against Dean's mouth, to present fuller. He didn't want Dean to masturbate, he wanted Dean to use him, like he was supposed to.

"Hold still," Dean said, gripping Castiel's thigh painfully.

Castiel didn't want to, but he listened to the bass of Dean's voice. Moments later, he heard Dean's breathing hitch then cool, medicating fluid spread over him. He made a weak noise and felt moisture on his own face. Even his frustrated and relieved tears were hot.

"That's it, Cas. Easy," Dean said, using the hand that had gripped Castiel's thigh and rubbing away his finger impression. With the other hand, he fingered his own cum into Castiel's body.

Tremors of pain still made Castiel's stomach shiver, but the stabbing pains had gone. The heat was fading from suffocating to uncomfortable. When Castiel could open his eyes, he looked at Dean who was still between his legs. Dean avoided eye contact as he picked up the artificial pheromone and the toy.

"Throw the pheromones away. They don't work," Castiel said.

"You have to put them in the fridge, jackass," Dean said, as he went to the kitchen and did just that. He took bottles of water then went to the sink and washed the toy before coming back.

"What did you call me?" Castiel asked.

"Shut up," Dean said, then he slid his arms beneath Castiel and picked him up.

"What are you doing?" Castiel asked, trying to get out of Dean's arms, even though he was tired from what he'd done and Dean's skin was the most wonderful temperature.

Dean carried him to the bathroom and closed the door with his foot. Then he laid Castiel in the large square tub. Castiel lived fairly conservatively for a man of his positon. He only allowed himself a few luxuries, but his bathtub was one of them. It could fit four and it had a ledge built-in to sit on. Dean sat him on the ledge, then went around the edge of the tub and turned on the multiple taps.

Castiel watched him as he adjusted the temperature from each tap. "You're angry at me," Castiel said.

Dean glanced up and shook his head slightly. "No I'm not."

"I know what anger looks like," Castiel said.

Dean sat back on his haunches and looked at him. "I told you to be careful. You tore yourself open. I get that you can't control all of it, but you can control yourself some."

"If I could have then I would," Castiel said.

He sounded more confident than he felt. He attributed it to his genetics that he felt badly, guilty, for the way that Dean was looking at him. That was less confusing than the possibility that he was upset at himself for worrying Dean or making him think less of him.

Dean shook his head and stood up, leaving the bathroom. Castiel watched him go before looking down at the rising water. He felt like he'd been run over by a large vehicle. His muscles were tense and sore. His penis was nearly purple from how often and hard he had pulled on it. He was considering trying to sleep again, because he had nothing better to do when Dean came back.

Dean sat the paper sack he'd brought in by the edge of the tub then began to strip off his jeans and boxers. He stepped into the tub and picked up the sack.

"Care if we eat in here?" Dean asked.

"Go ahead," Castiel said.

"I wasn't sure what you liked, so I got you what I did, bacon cheese burger," Dean said.

"You didn't have to do that."

Dean shrugged and handed the burger to Castiel before taking out his own. They ate in relative silence while the water filled the tub. When it was ready to be turned off, Dean stood and turned off each. Then he sat beside Castiel and pulled him onto his lap. Castiel went slightly rigid, but he allowed Dean to situate him with his back to Dean's chest and his thighs spread on either side of Dean's legs. He tilted his head back on Dean's shoulder while the luke-warm water lapped against his skin. With Dean's cool skin against him, he was as comfortable as could be expected.

"Good?" Dean asked.

"Yes," Castiel said.

"So do you want to talk?"

"What about?"

Castiel felt Dean roll his shoulders against the back of his neck.

"I don't know. Something would be better than sitting here staring at the wall."

"True," Castiel said.

The bathroom remained quiet apart from Dean bringing up his hand and flicking at the water, then letting his palm slap onto the surface and sink back to the ledge. Castiel smiled slightly. He was like a bored child.

"Have any boyfriends?" Dean asked.

"At the moment? No."

"Well yeah, I kind of figured that. I meant since your old boyfriend."

"Of course. I'm not a monk."

"So then why are you sitting here on my lap?"

"I don't know that that's any of your business," Castiel said without any heat. He didn't even particularly mean it.

"You're paying me to stick my dick up your ass. I'd say we're buddies."

Castiel laughed slightly. Dean's crass humor wasn't something he was used to, but it was surprisingly pleasant. "Then if you really want to know, I work eighty or more hours a week. That hardly leaves time for a pet, let alone a partner."

"You like pets?"

"Doesn't everyone?" Castiel asked, confused at Dean's tone. Like he hadn't expected Castiel to like something living and soft.

"I guess, I just can't really see you throwing a Frisbee at the park."

"I'm athletic," Castiel said.

"It's not that. It's just, uh-," Dean said.

Castiel waited for Dean to speak again. There was a small knot in his chest as he waited.

"You just seem a little bit closed off," Dean said.

"I'm not good with people."

"You're a CEO."

"Let me clarify, I don't find it easy to communicate in a personal setting."

He felt Dean nod against his back. "So this isn't you being a dick?"

Castiel frowned, "No. Is that how you've perceived me?"

"Come on, Cas. You don't make it easy to talk to you."

The knot in his chest had begun to ache at a large scale. It wasn't severe, but it wasn't pleasant. It reminded him of being school aged once again, and the way the other children had reacted to him and his personality. They had other terms for what his mother called a dry personality. Names that, at the time, had been hurtful.

"Hey," Dean said after a moment of silence. "I didn't hurt your feelings or anything, did I?"

"Of course not," Castiel said as he moved from Dean's lap. "My doctor called in a prescription to the pharmacy two blocks from here. Could you please go get them for me? My stomach is beginning to hurt again."

"Yeah, sure," Dean said, stepping from the tub.

Castiel closed his eyes to avoid looking at him, to keep his stomach from aching any more. He attempted to only focus on the water moving against his skin.

"Do you want anything else while I'm out?" Dean asked.

"No. Thank you," Castiel said.

He heard Dean pulling on his clothes and eventually the closing of the front door. Castiel opened his eyes then, and stared at the opposite wall. Being emotional was a symptom of heat cycles, he reminded himself. It was normal for him to feel self-depreciating.

As much as he said it, it didn't soothe the knot of discomfort in his chest and the hormone induced feelings of inferiority leaking from his pituitary gland.

Omegas were supposed to be warm and comforting. Their role by the creator was to be the nucleus of a family unit. His mother and grandmother had been those things. They had made it seem simple. So simple that until he was much older, he did not realize it wasn't a skill that he would one day magically develop. He was simply missing that gene.

Most days, it never crossed his mind. Now, he looked at the wall while he tumbled with old memories that brought no comfort.

When Dean returned, Castiel was leaning beneath one of the water taps, allowing the cold water to run over his chest. He had three fingers inside of himself with his head leaned against the ledge of the tub.

Castiel didn't hear him over the sound of the running water. He could hardly smell Dean over the smell of moisture and his own stink. He opened his eyes when Dean pushed his fingers against Castiel's lips.

"Open up, Cas," he said.

They hadn't been this close before. Or at least, Castiel hadn't noticed them being this close before. It could have only been that it was much brighter in here than it had been in the living room last night. Dean's eyes were only inches from his. He could see the individual eyelashes. They were very long, nearly feminine. The varying tones and shades of his iris were mesmerizing in Castiel's fever induced state.

"Your eyes are beautiful."

"Aren't you just a charmer?" Dean said, but he looked concerned. His skin seemed paler or maybe his eyes were worried. It was hard for Castiel to concentrate. Every so often, he brushed his own prostate and lost his train of thought. "Come on, drink some water. Swallow those pills."

Castiel took the pills Dean was pushing against his lips then he sucked Dean's fingers into his mouth, closing his eyes. He swallowed the pills around Dean's fingers and made a low noise. His skin tasted lovely. Too quickly, Dean pulled them from his mouth.

"Come on. Let's get you out of there and get another dose of my magic jizz in you," Dean said.

Castiel shook his head, holding the water tap. The metal was freezing against his skin. It was slightly painful, like holding ice, but he didn't let go.

"I'm hot."

"I'll cool you down. Let's go, Cas," Dean said, going to pull Castiel from the water.

Castiel moved to the opposite side of the faucet. "No."

"Don't be a kid. Come on. The water's just going to wash anything away before I can even get it in you."

"Then have sex with me."

"No."

Castiel's noises from earlier had mortified him in his right mind. There were no words for the gush of water to his eyes that Dean caused. When he was sane once again, he may go find the highest bridge in existence and throw himself from it. Dean's expression immediately softened, but confusion clung around his eyes.

"Are you hurting that bad? I can take you to the hospital," Dean said.

"Is my scent that repulsive?"

Dean's concerned expression faltered as more confusion crossed his face. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm an omega in heat and you're refusing me. There must be something wrong," Castiel said.

"Uh no. I don't want to hurt you. I'm not a piece of shit, Cas."

Castiel closed his eyes and stayed where he was continuing to finger himself. He didn't want to look at Dean. If the fever and the cramps weren't bad enough, the surge of hormones was proving to be worse. He heard Dean cuss, then clothes shifting. Then Dean's hand were on him, pulling him onto his lap.

He opened his eyes, facing Dean. Dean rubbed himself against Castiel beneath the cold water.

"How are you so hot? This water is fucking freezing," Dean said, through clenched teeth.

Castiel canted his hips and tried to push onto Dean's erection. It stung as it breached him. It stung a surprising amount then it was out of him and Dean was gripping his chin hard, making him look him in the eyes.

"Hold still. Do you understand?"

Castiel tried to move his hips again. Dean squeezed his face.

"I'll get out right now and leave. Don't test me," Dean said.

Castiel stopped and Dean continued to rub his dick against his opening. Castiel's arched his back when Dean very slowly pushed into him. When Castiel opened his eyes, it was to Dean watching his face. He didn't watch Castiel like he thought he was unattractive.

Castiel let Dean guide his hips while his stomach ached and the heat built. He came quickly, pulling at his penis. Then Dean was holding his wrist against his side to keep him from touching himself.

"Looks like it's going to fucking fall off. Give it a break," Dean said roughly as he continued to push into him.

Then Castiel felt Dean's knot forming against him. He twisted away from Dean's hands and tried to push himself onto it. Dean yanked him forward again and gripped his hips.

"Easy, you don't need that," Dean said.

Castiel grunted and tried to grind down on Dean's swelling knot. Dean dug his fingers into his thighs.

"Hang on," Dean said. Then he pushed up roughly into Castiel a few times, with a grip on his own dick to keep it from going into Castiel, then he grunted deeply.

Castiel moaned as his insides cooled. He stopped trying to work himself down as a fragment of his sense leaked through his heat addled brain.

"That's it, Cas," Dean said quietly, bringing up cool water to spread over his back.

Castiel laid his cheek on Dean's damp shoulder. The pain in his stomach was beginning to make his vision fade. Dean's hand gently bumped against his backside, messaging the knot he had kept from him. He could still feel the cool relief of Dean's semen spreading on his insides.

The fever and the pain and the post-orgasmic haze made Castiel's lids droop until they closed again. He hated this. He hated being exhausted all the time, always hot, and incessantly needy. He refused to contemplate how he had gotten Dean into the bath, when before this he couldn't remember the last time he shed tears.

He was fading to unconsciousness as Dean continued to spread water over his back, long after his cum had ceased spilling inside of Castiel's walls.

"You're fucking gorgeous, just so you know. Crazy as hell, but sexy," Dean said with his lips brushing Castiel's ear. Then he kissed Castiel on his temple.

Castiel went to sleep with the knot in his chest lessening.

He woke multiple times after that. Sometimes the heat was more bearable and other times it was nearly incapacitating in its intensity. He could cope if it was only arousal, but none of this felt like arousal. It was desperation and it was tiring. He could see it wearing on Dean the few moments that he was conscious after each session, but Dean always aided him through it carefully. He was never rough, even when Castiel begged him to be. He even stayed in the tub with Castiel for hours, although Castiel knew he must be freezing.

It all became a medication induced haze for Castiel and he stopped attempting to remain coherent.

The bedroom was dim, but sunlight was outside. It was either very early or evening. Castiel couldn't tell. Dean laid beside him, deeply asleep on his stomach. Castiel laid still and looked at the ceiling. His stomach throbbed low, but mostly it felt sore. His temperature felt normal.

He got out of bed carefully and realized he was wearing sleep pants. Which meant Dean had dressed him, because from what he could remember he hadn't had nearly enough cognitive function to put anything on his body. He did remember the cold chills that had come after the highest point of the fever. He remembered laying against Dean's chest, beneath the blankets, and being held tightly while Dean rubbed his skin roughly to elevate his circulation.

Every step toward the living room was painful. All of his muscles and joints were sore. His pain medication was on the coffee table. He took one to the kitchen and brought a bottle of water back to the computer desk. He started his computer and looked through his emails. There were only five, but they dated back two days.

He answered all of them then he called Cooper when he realized it was evening instead of morning. He sorted through what work matters he could over the phone, the ones that Cooper would tell him about, then he went to the kitchen.

He moved around as quietly as he could while he cooked, but before he was finished, Dean came from the bedroom, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Look who's up," Dean said, giving him a warm, if not tired, smile.

Castiel smiled back and set a plate on the table. "Breakfast? Or I guess, dinner."

"Yeah, thanks," Dean said, sitting down. "Looks good."

"One of the only things I can cook," Castiel said, sitting in the opposite chair and cutting into his omelet. He had made them with more cheese and bacon than he normally did with his own, but Dean seemed like the kind of person who would enjoy that. He wasn't wrong, Dean made a lewd noise as he chewed his first bite.

"God that's good."

"Thank you," Castiel said.

"So how are you feeling?" Dean asked, just before he shoved another large bite into his mouth.

"Good. I think it's passed."

"Awesome," Dean said and smiled wide.

"Thank you for being so patient."

"Any time," Dean said, smiling again, but Castiel could see the dark circles beneath his eyes and the creases still left in the exposed skin of his face and chest from the sheets. "You had me worried for a while there. If you hadn't been better by tomorrow morning Dr. Aims told me to bring you in."

"You talked to Dr. Aims?"

"Yeah. The agency has that stuff on file. You were really out of it for a while."

"How long?"

"I've been here five days. You started going downhill in the bathtub. It's been two days since then."

"I'm sorry," Castiel said, shaking his head and ashamed of himself. "Did your employer at the mechanic shop give you the time off?"

"Yeah don't worry about it, Cas. It's my job."

"Yes, but most clients don't keep you so long, I'm sure."

Dean shrugged then took his hand roughly on the table and squeezed. "Really, I'm just glad you're alright."

Castiel returned the pressure for a moment before standing and taking their plates to the sink. Dishes were piled, but they could be left for the cleaning crew that would come in tomorrow.

"If you don't care, I was going to stick around for the night. Make sure things are really slowed down," Dean said.

"Of course. I would like that."

After they went to the couch. They didn't talk about it, but they laid together with Castiel pressed against the back cushions and Dean laid on his back, looking toward the TV screen. When Castiel shivered, Dean got up wordlessly and brought the comforter from the bed, laying it over both of them and pulling Castiel in tightly against his side. Castiel laid his cheek on Dean's chest and watched the movies Dean chose. Hearing Dean's heart was very calming. He could remember listening to it through the worse of the fevered hours when he was near to unconsciousness.

"Still feeling okay?" Dean asked, looking down at him.

"Yes," Castiel said. "How are you? Did I exhaust you?"

Dean laughed slightly. "Maybe a little."

Then he ran his fingers through the front of Castiel's hair, pushing it back from his forehead. It should have been strange, but it wasn't at all. It felt very comfortable. He remembered Dean doing it often when his hair was matted with sweat, although looking back on it, it felt like an out of body experience.

"You know you talked like crazy when you had those fevers," Dean said.

"Did I?"

"Yeah," then Dean angled Castiel's chin up a fraction. "Just so you know, I wasn't not having sex with you, because you aren't attractive."

"Dean, I was being hormonal," Castiel said, going to pull away, but Dean held him there.

"Listen to me, you're a knockout. I don't mean a little bit, I mean when I walked through your door the first day, I couldn't believe I was actually getting paid to get you through a heat."

"How did you keep from sex then?" Castiel asked. Now that the heat was gone, he genuinely wanted to know how Dean had been able to keep himself under control. "I don't mean to be offensive, but your gender isn't known for their control."

"Because you were sick," Dean said, looking down into his eyes. "The last thing I wanted to do was make you hurt more when you had your bouts of clear-headedness."

"That's very admirable. Thank you, Dean."

"And uh," Dean laughed slightly. "I've dealt with a little brother going through these. We shared a pretty small house until he went to college and I walked in on him taking care of himself. Once I remember, he was just a kid, fifteen or sixteen. It wasn't long after he presented, and he was just wailing the shit out of himself. He had stretched himself out too far and he was bleeding and his dick was rubbed so raw it was bruised. It made me sick.

"Some guys I've worked with get into the desperate little bitch thing, but it just kicks me in the chest to see someone tearing themselves up like that, because they feel that much need with no control over themselves."

"You're a good person," Castiel said, using Dean's shoulder as a pillow.

Dean laughed, clearly embarrassed, "Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't say no to seeing you fingering yourself open for me and saying some of the stuff you were saying the last few days. I just would prefer you not to be crying and half delirious when you do it."

"That must have made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry."

Dean pulled Castiel slightly by the back of his hair. "Don't thank me again. I'm glad I was the one that was here, Cas and I'm glad you're alright."

"Me too," Castiel said and he sent a prayer of thanks that Balthazar had been unavailable and that he had been sent Dean instead.

As the night wore on, they ordered food again and ate sitting up on the couch, only to return to their position when they were finished. They spoke occasionally, commenting on movies, that would occasionally lead to longer conversations.

Castiel learned that Dean loved his car dearly when they watched _Bullet_ and Dean told him what he had done to restore the classic Impala he drove. He learned that Dean had a fascination with horror movies. They sat ill with Castiel. He didn't enjoy darkness in his movies. He found he did like Monty Python movies. He laughed harder than he could remember at their antics. Dean seemed amused more by his reactions than the movie itself.

When he dozed during an action hero film, he woke with his cheek on Dean's chest and Dean's arms around him as he slept as well. He felt no urge to move and blamed it on nothing.

The next afternoon, Castiel stood at the door with Dean, who held his duffle bag in one hand.

"So this was fun," Dean said.

"You have a strange definition of the word," Castiel said, smiling small.

Dean smirked, "Well you give me a call in six months."

"We'll see," he said. He was joking and he was very glad when Dean smiled at him.

Then Dean cupped his cheek softly and angled up his chin. Castiel could have pulled away, but he allowed Dean to lean down and kiss him. Dean's lips were very soft and warm. A small tendril of warmth passed down his spine at the first press of their mouths.

Then Castiel pulled away from Dean before it could deepen. Dean brushed his cheek with his thumb, then dropped his hand.

"Take care of yourself, Cas."

"You too," Castiel said.

Dean gave him another small smile then walked down the hallway. Castiel closed the door after him and stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do with himself now that the apartment was so quiet. It only lasted a fraction of a second, then he went to his computer and began to address his emails.


	6. Chapter 6

The day Dean left was Wednesday. The following day, Castiel sat in a meeting. It was his second meeting of the day. He still had another before seven this evening. He listened to the lawyer for Norton Industries talk a few chairs down and across from himself. The Vice President of Castiel's company spoke occasionally and Paul Norton's father, but the rest were mostly silent.

Castiel's attention wondered momentarily and the flash of silver caught his eye. Across the table, Paul Norton idly played with a pen. Paul's eyes were glazed as he stared at the middle of the conference room table. Then he seemed to feel Castiel looking at him and gave him a small smile.

Then Paul clicked his pen and began to write on the notepad in front of him. He angled it so that Castiel could see it while the lawyer continued to drone.

_How are you feeling?_

Castiel wrote on his own notepad and put it where Paul could see. _Well. Thank you._

Paul smiled then wrote. _Good. _

Castiel gave him another smile of his own before looking back toward the lawyer, not that the proceedings had become any more interesting. The merger was going to happen. The details were the only things that remained and the details were tedious. While the lawyer read, Castiel's attention wondered repeatedly.

More than a few times, he found himself looking at Paul from the corner of his eye. His nose was classically straight and his lips narrow without being thin. His eyes were light brown. Once Castiel was caught looking and he glanced away, but not before he saw Paul smile as he looked down at his own notepad again.

After the meeting, Castiel began to walk toward his office again mentally mapping out what was left for him today. He had one more meeting, then a handful of phone calls to return and make, then another meeting to prepare for tomorrow for the Vice President of the company. He should be able to leave by midnight.

"Castiel."

Castiel turned back to Paul coming toward him.

"Paul."

"I want to apologize in person for how I acted last time I saw you. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable," Paul said.

"It isn't needed. I should have been more aware of myself."

Paul nodded then opened his mouth a fraction, pausing. "I don't mean to be rude, but are you seeing anyone?"

"No."

"I wouldn't have asked, but I'd never smelled any change in you before."

"I was recently taken off suppressants for health reasons."

"I hope it isn't serious."

Paul looked very sincere when he said it. Again, Castiel looked at Paul more closely, passed the associate he worked with and to the man he was. It was a strange feeling after being devoid of that kind of assessment for years. Even the beta and other omegas he dated casually had never genuinely inspired that kind of evaluation from him. It wasn't a side-effect he had considered, but he found he didn't particularly mind it.

"It isn't," Castiel said.

"I don't want you to think I'm being overly assertive, but," Paul cleared his throat and put one of his hands in his pocket. "Would you like to have a drink with me sometime?"

"Yes," Castiel said.

Paul smiled, showing white healthy teeth. "Great. Could I have your number?"

Castiel gave Paul his number then they went their opposite ways as Paul's father called him. Castiel walked toward his office with a small mental smile of his own.

Castiel sat at his desk late into the night. The monitor was beginning to blur in front of his eyes as he looked over the economic presentation that would be given tomorrow to the Vice President. They still had issues to be ironed out in the morning, and it was Castiel's responsibility to look over the last of it so the financial department could look it over early tomorrow morning.

Castiel leaned back in his chair and rubbed at his tired eyes. He looked at his desk to let his vision adjust for a moment. They relaxed on the wood grain then Paul's business card caught his attention, laying beside his keyboard, half hidden by binders.

After staring for a few moments, he picked it up and his phone. He keyed in Paul's number to a text message.

_This is Castiel. Are you still at work?_

He held his phone as he waited. A strange fluttering feeling bubbled in his stomach, mixing with hunger pains. The last time he ate was before noon. His phone vibrated quickly.

Paul: _Unfortunately. _

_I'm going to step out for something to eat. Would you like to come meet me?_

Paul: _Of course. Where?_

Castiel gave Paul the address to a small pub near his building. He had never been there in person, but Cooper got his lunch from there often. His office building was dark as Castiel walked through the halls he knew better than his own home and rode down the elevator.

The night air was refreshing with the scent of exhaust fumes and cooling concrete from the heat of the day. As he walked, the tightness in his back lessened from sitting in his chair for so long. When he was nearly to the pub, a silver C63 pulled along the curb and Paul stepped from the driver side. He met Castiel on the sidewalk and smiled.

"I thought the perk of being the boss meant not having to stay all night," Paul asked.

"I'm beginning to think we were lied to about that."

Paul pulled the door of the pub open and held it. His hand brushed Castiel's shoulders as he followed him inside. There weren't many patrons, but the scent of food made Castiel's mouth water. They took a seat at the bar and ordered their drinks.

When Paul asked, Castiel told him what was keeping him at the office so late and Paul told him the same. They spoke about work, but not as much as Castiel expected. Paul was very good at directing conversation, so that when Castiel did say something awkward, it didn't seem awkward. He found Paul very easy to talk to and that was pleasant as they ate their dinner and ordered another round of drinks.

"I'm glad you texted me," Paul said, picking at the fries on his own plate.

"Me too."

"I've always thought you were attractive, but I didn't think you had an interest in relationships or that maybe you were already in one."

"Work came first for a long time. Now I'm to a point that I'm comfortable with," Castiel said.

"I'm glad," Paul said.

Now Paul's tie was undone slightly like Castiel's own. Castiel had never seen himself as attracted toward younger men, but Paul was very visually appealing. He found himself wondering what Paul would look like without his shirt.

He saw a flash in his mind's eye of Paul shirtless kneeling on his bed, before coming toward him. Castiel's tracked his eyes up the firm stomach to the lightly haired chest until reaching Paul's imagined face with his eyes glazed in want. It slipped then it wasn't Paul. It was Dean and he was over Castiel, on his hands and knees above him and bending to kiss him. Castiel could nearly smell motor oil.

"Okay, Castiel?" Paul asked.

Castiel looked up from where he'd let his eyes wonder on the legs of Paul's stool. "I must be getting tired."

"Why don't we go get a coffee?"

"That sounds nice."

Castiel let Paul pay for their dinners then they walked half a block toward Castiel's office building. They ordered coffees and talked while they waited with the grinding of ice and the smell of coffee beans surrounding them. When they stepped from the shop, Castiel stood with Paul on the sidewalk.

"I'd like to do this again," Paul said.

"I agree," Castiel said.

Then Paul stepped forward a fraction and pressed his lips to Castiel's. His lips were soft and firm. His mouth tasted like coffee and faintly of alcohol. Castiel barely contained his frown as he pulled away.

It wasn't what he expected. There was no tingle down his spine, no warmth in his stomach. For a split moment, he thought he saw the same disappointment in Paul's eyes then they both smiled at each other.

"Do you want me to drive you to your office?" Paul asked.

"I enjoy the walk," Castiel said.

"Then I'll see you Monday. Have a good night."

"You too."

When Castiel finally sorted through the last of his work for the night, it was after two in the morning. He checked his email one last time before he left and opened the only new message.

From: dw1968  
>To: cnovak<p>

Subject: Untitled

_How are you feeling?_

Castiel thought of deleting it. Most people he communicated with were listed in his address book and if not they put their business or question in the subject line.

_Fine. Who is this?_

It was only sent ten minutes before, so he waited for a reply. He refreshed the page as he looked over some paperwork he had to go over tomorrow. After five minutes, he had a reply.

Dw1968: _Ohh spend all week with a guy then just forget him. That's cold, Cas._

Castiel smiled faintly.

_I didn't think they gave out personal information at the agency. _

This time Dean's reply came within two minutes.

Dw1968: _Nothing a paperclip and some stealth couldn't solve. So it's all gone? Have you gone to the doctor?_

_I go tomorrow. Yes, it seems to have passed. How have you recovered?_

Dw1968: _Don't give yourself so much credit you didn't wear me out that bad. Email me when you get your check up, okay?_

_Ok. _

Dw1968: _Now go to bed, Cas. Geez. You're such a stalker._

_Hm. Yes, I'm the stalker. Good night, Dean._

Then Castiel signed off of his account and closed down his computer. He felt a faint flutter in his stomach. He was smiling faintly as he walked to the elevator and didn't know that he was until he saw his own reflection as the elevator doors closed.

The next day, Castiel laid on the exam table with his feet into the paper-covered metal stirrups. He stared at the tiled ceiling while Dr. Aims mumbled to the nurse for different tools and he felt the brush of his latex-covered hands. He braced himself for the pain of the speculum. It never came. When he felt it, it was only an uncomfortable intrusion with none of the usual burn.

"Okay, done," Dr. Aims said, standing up and removing his gloves.

Castiel sat up and arranged the gown over himself. "Can you tell if there's an improvement?"

"There's some damage to your outer ring, that I assume happened during your heat. Other than that, yes," Dr. Aims said, smiling at Castiel. "You're producing lubricant correctly. It's a healthy color and viscosity. We won't know anything else until your samples come back, but overall I'm hopeful that you're well on your way to having healthy cycles."

"What about the intensity?"

"They should regulate themselves. Although, I doubt you'll fall into a regular cycle for a year at least. You'll probably have another sooner rather than later. I would advise you to use the same alpha again if you can manage it."

"Are their health benefits to the same semen?"

"Possibly, but I want you to use him again, because he called multiple times about you and waited to speak to me every time. Your situation is unique. I would like you to have someone near that cares and understands."

"Of course," Castiel said.

He listened as Dr. Aims continued to give him advice about vitamins he could be taking and foods that could lessen the pain of heats. Mostly his mind was brought back to what Dr. Aims had said and a fever hazed memory of Dean pacing behind the couch without his clothes and the home phone pressed to his ear.

When Castiel made it home late that night, he checked his email again before going to bed. There was only one message and it was from Dean.

Dean: _see the doctor today?_

_Yes. He was pleased with my progress. He recommended that I put in a standing reservation for you through the agency. I will if you wouldn't be opposed. He did say it will likely be sooner than six months before my next heat. _

Dean's message was sent at nine that night. It was now nearly one. He didn't wait for a reply before going to bed.

The next morning in his office, Dean's reply appeared in his inbox.

Dean: _I know, my dick is addicting. I have to touch it all the time too. _

_Is that a yes?_

Dean's reply came quickly.

Dean: _Yes, Cas, that's a yes. My dick's on reserve just for you. Don't put it through the agency though. I'm on hiatus from them. Text or call. I don't get on email much._

Below Dean included his phone number. Castiel put it into his phone enjoying the flutter in his stomach, even if he didn't understand why only putting the man's number in his phone made it appear.


	7. Chapter 7

Work became hectic for Castiel. It wasn't a surprise. It was nearing the end of the fiscal year, which always made a demanding job even more so. He enjoyed it, though. It kept him busy. He stayed late every night, but at least every other night he began going to the pub he had gone to with Paul. It was always quiet late at night and the food was always good. It was a nice bubble of solitude that he previously had never needed to seek out. He wrote it off and attributed it to the regular flow of hormones through his body.

He was at the pub late on a Friday when a hard hand gripped his shoulder. He turned, going rigid with a small short of apprehension when he heard Dean's voice.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said, squeezing his shoulder before dropping his hand.

Castiel smiled at him. "Hello, Dean."

The fluttering appeared in his stomach and his smile felt very genuine. Dean pulled out a stool beside him at the bar and sat, signaling the bartender.

"What are you doing here?" Castiel asked.

"I got addicted to their burgers when I was at your house," Dean said. Then the bartender came to get his order. Dean ordered a beer and a bacon cheese burger.

"We had their food?"

"Yeah. The nights you were out of it. Ordered it every night. What are you eating? It looks like cat food."

Castiel looked down at his burger. He frowned, confused. "It's a burger."

Dean reached over and lifted the bun of Castiel's burger. "No. That's rabbit food."

"It's their Healthy Choice."

Dean laughed, "Ah man, that's no good."

"I enjoy it."

"Because you don't know any better. Are you just getting off work?"

"I haven't decided yet."

"Uh, it's eleven o'clock, maybe you should call it a night."

Dean asked him what he was doing at work so late. Castiel told him and then he asked Dean the same thing about his own work. Something had gone wrong with the Impala and Dean had been at work late trying to fix it.

"Here try this," Dean said, holding half of his cheeseburger toward Castiel. When Castiel went to take it, Dean pulled back a fraction, so Castiel leaned forward and took a bite while Dean held it.

The patty was thicker and juicier than Castiel's had been. He made a low, involuntary noise as he chewed.

"You shouldn't make noises like that with all my clothes on," Dean said.

Castiel might have choked on his burger, but it was too good for that. There was no reason to be prude, anyway. He thought he and Dean were a good deal beyond that point. Then Dean leaned forward and wiped his thumb by his mouth. Castiel watched as he put his thumb in his mouth and sucked the juice from it. Castiel watched as his lips sealed around it. Heat suffused into his cheeks as his stomach fluttered again.

"That is better than what I've been ordering."

"Yeah, all that fake meat's no good for you. You need the real deal," Dean said, giving him another smile.

Castiel understood that Dean was making some kind of lewd joke, but he didn't know what it was and he didn't feel a strong enough compulsion to ask. He sat with Dean while Dean ate and they ordered more beer. When it was passed one, they walked from the pub together. Castiel saw Dean's car for the first time and walked around it with him, verbally appreciating it and seeing Dean preen at his compliments.

"Want me to drive you home?" Dean asked.

"I would appreciate that."

Castiel rode in the passenger seat, looking out at the rain slicked streets while rock music played from the car's speakers. When they reached his apartment building, Dean parked along the curb in front and put his arm across the back of the bench seat.

"Want some company?"

"I have a meeting in six hours that I need to prepare for," Castiel said.

"Do you really have a meeting or are you just blowing me off?"

Castiel fronwed, confused once again. "No. I have a meeting."

"What if you didn't have one?"

"Then I would like you to come up with me for the evening."

Dean grinned. "You like me."

"I find your company appealing."

"D'aww stop it, Cas. You're making me feel all Pretty Woman."

"I don't know what you mean."

"What do you live under a rock? Okay, just add that to the movies we'll have to watch next time you're in a sex haze."

Then Dean leaned over and put his hand on the back of Castiel's neck. He leaned in and kissed Castiel. There was a flash of heat down his spine. The one that had been missing with Paul. He only allowed himself to open his mouth partially and taste the cling of beer on Dean's oxygen before pulling away. Dean kissed him again before letting him go.

"Next time you want to grab a burger, you've got my number," Dean said quietly.

"Yes. Good night, Dean."

"Night," Dean said, sitting straight in the driver seat again as Castiel got out of the car.

There was no disappointment was Castiel rode the elevator to his floor. He never took the opportunity to prepare for the meeting. Instead, he fell into bed and masturbated with the artificial knot and the hazed memories of his heat playing in a static reel in his mind.

The next few weeks passed quickly for Castiel. The fiscal year came to a close, which was good, but it also meant that he hardly had time to sleep. Some nights he didn't. Dean did text him occasionally, to ask him to go eat or have a drink, but each time Castiel had to refuse. Each time he did, he felt worse. Dean didn't stop asking, though, and that made him feel better.

So when the paperwork was all filed in the correct places and the positive earnings reports were sent, Castiel was nearly relieved to feel the first tinges of heat. The slight increase in his temperature the week before, his slight moodiness. He took a test for it on a Wednesday. It said he was two days from his heat, so he cleared his schedule with Cooper.

That Friday, Castiel sat at his computer at home as the faint warmth traveled up his chest from his stomach and downward to his groin. Finally, he opened a text message to Dean and wrote to him.

_If you aren't busy, could you come help me this evening? I'm going into heat. If you'd prefer, I can request you through the agency instead. _

Castiel waited, browsing idly through across the top business stories of the day. Refreshingly, the fever didn't continue to increase drastically. It warmed his stomach and spread to his groin until his penis was erect and pressing against his zipper. He undid his slacks and reached inside to stroke himself.

When he came, it was on his stomach. Unlike before, his own climax helped. It lowered his internal temperature so the edge was gone. When he picked up his phone again, there was a message from Dean.

_Be there in 10. _

It was sent seven minutes before. He went to the kitchen and wiped his cum from his stomach and threw the paper towels in the trash. He was just buttoning his pants when there was a knock. Castiel went to the door and opened it. Dean stood with the same duffle bag and smiled then it was wiped from his face and he pushed Castiel back into the apartment and kicked the door shut.

"It's good to see you," Castiel said.

Dean threw his bag down and grabbed Castiel by his hair, pulling his head over to bare his neck. Dean leaned down and inhaled along the line of his throat. Castiel closed his eyes and felt moisture come from himself.

"Jesus, is that what you smell like?" Dean asked roughly against the skin of his throat.

"I don't know what you mean," Castiel said then Dean dragged the flat of his tongue over his neck.

"If you ever touch those suppressants again I'll break your arms," Dean said low. "Don't you ever cover that up."

Dean's voice sent a jolt straight down his spine. The wonderful bracing scent of sea salt was back to Dean's skin. His mouth was cool on Castiel's slightly fevered skin. Then Dean yanked back his head and brought his mouth down heavily on Castiel's.

Castiel opened his mouth as warmth flushed his lower body. Dean pushed his tongue into Castiel's mouth and tightened his hand in his hair, twisting it until it hurt. It was a pleasing kind of pain. Then Dean pulled away, breathing in his face.

"Why the fuck didn't you let me kiss you before?"

"Sorry," Castiel said, then he leaned up and kissed Dean again.

Dean grabbed the opening of Castiel's shirt and yanked. The buttons gave and he heard them hitting the floor. Then Dean was twisting up his t-shirt and groping his stomach.

"You feel so good, Cas," Dean said against his mouth, then he was walking Castiel backward.

Castiel went easily until he hit the back of his knees on the bed. They started taking off their clothes while keeping their mouths as in contact as they could. When Castiel took down Dean's underwear his erection rested against his hip. Castiel pushed back enough from Dean and looked down.

The heat in his stomach swelled upward into his chest and into his neck. He rubbed his hand up Dean's cock and heard him moan again his neck where he was kissing. It was heavy and cool. He sank to his knees and took it in both his hand. He licked over the side, then beneath, kissing it wetly.

"God that's right, Cas. Gonna let me fuck your mouth, baby?"

Normally, hearing words like that would make Castiel recoil. He thought it still would if it were anyone that he didn't have some kind of affection for. If it were not Dean. He opened his mouth and pushed as much of Dean's flesh in as he could.

Admittedly, his technique was sloppy. It had been years since he'd give a blow job and then it had only been a beta. Dean's dick was thicker and longer. He couldn't swallowed it down his throat, but what he could get into his mouth he licked and sucked like he could draw the flavor of Dean's skin out. Dean rocked against his face, pressing his thumb into Castiel's cheek until he could feel his dick moving in and out behind the thin layer of flesh. The subtle warmth in Castiel's body amplified as his own lubricant leaked down his bare thigh.

When Dean's knot began to form at the base, Castiel massaged it, studying the feel. It was hard beneath Dean's softest skin. Finally, Dean pulled away. Castiel went forward again, trying to take him back into his mouth, but Dean dragged him up then shoved him back on the bed.

Castiel went to get on his hands and knees, but Dean caught his arm and flipped his back over on his back.

"No. You're going to stay right there all spread out of me."

Dean climbed onto the bed and laid on top of Castiel, kissing him again. With one hand, he yanked one of Castiel's leg up, then pressed at the cleft of his ass.

"You smell so good. So fucking wet too," Dean said.

Then Dean pushed a finger into him. Castiel arched his back involuntarily with a chest deep sound. Dean laughed.

"Someone's been playing with themselves."

"Dean, please," he said roughly.

"Since you asked so nice," Dean said, then he laid between Castiel's hips and pushed in fluidly.

Castiel made a noise he wasn't sure could be construed as pleasurable. He wasn't sure it was. It was so intense. The heat amplified until it was just beginning to be hot. Dean dropped his head against his shoulder.

"God that's what you're supposed to feel like, Cas. That's fucking perfect."

"Move," Castiel said, squeezing the sheets.

"Ask," Dean said, pulling away enough to look at him.

"Dean," Castiel said, gripping his shoulder and looking down there bodies where they joined.

"Ask, Cas."

Castiel breathed heavily until looking at Dean. There was want in Dean's eyes, blatantly written over his features. His body felt like it were vibrating. It felt wonderful to be looked at that way. Last time, Dean hadn't looked at him with lust. There was sympathy and concern, but not lust. It made Castiel's body warm completely and made Dean's already handsome face beautiful.

"Please, please fuck me, Dean."

Dean yanked him closer and kissed him deeply, moving into him hard. Castiel clutched at Dean's body to keep from being shoved up the bed by the force of his movements. He began to feel the snag of Dean's knot of his outer ring. It made his eyes roll back and he came between them.

The deepest warmth began to spiral out of Castiel when he felt Dean jerk against him and coolness spread through him. When he began to come back to himself, Dean was kissing his shoulder and neck softly.

Castiel turned in again him. Feeling Dean's lips this way was different. It made the warmth in his body ebb and flow, but it felt comforting and gently, like being cared for. It felt nothing like the time before, desperation and neediness.

"Feels good, doesn't it, Cas?" Dean asked.

"Very," Castiel said. "Does everything feel more normal than last time?"

"No. You feel awesome. You smell like a little walking ball of sex."

Castiel closed his eyes with a low hum. Dean ran his fingers through Castiel's hair.

"I thought you didn't like being objectified, Cas," Dean said quietly.

"I don't find it displeasing from you."

Dean grinned. "So you just like being my little slut omega?"

"Don't push it."

Dean laughed then kissed him again. When they could finally slip from each other, they ordered dinner, then they pulled up movies and they watched them together. Hours later, Dean pulled him close again and they had sex on the couch.

Castiel slept with Dean's cool body wrapped around him in his bed. He woke once during the night and remembered the hazy movements of their bodies. Then they fell asleep again with Dean tied inside of him.

The next evening, Castiel laid on the couch with Dean once again. The smell of fried food blew around the room with the smell of their sweat and fluid. Dean ran his fingers idly through the back of Castiel's hair.

"I gotta ask," Dean said, looking away from the television. "Did you keep blowing me off, because you just want to fuck around with me or were you actually busy?"

"I've been very busy," Castiel said.

"So you like me?" Dean asked with a cocky smile.

Castiel smiled slightly. "Yes."

"I get the feeling that doesn't happen very often."

"Occasionally."

"When was the last time you dated someone?"

Castiel frowned for a moment in thought. "Two years."

"You hadn't had sex in two years?"

"I saw people casually."

"What kind of people?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, alpha, omega, beta? Who normally does it for you?"

"A mixture. Most were beta. Some omega. Nearly all male."

Dean made a low noise that rumbled against Castiel's cheek. "You and another omega? Really?"

"Yes. For a while. The longest was with another omega male. He was an intern in the HR department with a southern accent. He was very sweet, beautiful."

Dean slid his hand down his own body and rubbed himself through his underwear. "I would pay to see you rolling around with another little omega."

He smelled the increase in Dean's pheromone production and leaned closer, breathing along the scent line of Dean's throat. He smiled slightly. It was pleasing to know that he could cause that kind of reaction in Dean, although it did make him roll his eyes mentally that the reaction was caused by something so stereotypically alpha. But if Dean were going to be aroused by something like that, then Castiel would take advantage.

"Would you like to see that, Dean?" Castiel asked near his ear. "Would you like to see me kissing another omega? Watching us lick into each other's openings?"

Dean made another low noise and tightened his arm around Castiel. Castiel smiled against Dean's skin as his teasing worked. It made him feel attractive and that was a very nice feeling that had become nearly foreign to him for so many years.

"It would be even better if we were both in cycle," Castiel said, "Unable to get enough of each other's bodies."

Then Dean jerked him as he moved on top of him.

"No. I'm not sharing cycles."

Castiel didn't know if he had the ability to preen, but he felt like that may be what he was doing as warmth swelled in his chest and Dean began to kiss him again like he were something wanted.

Castiel's heat passed in an appropriate time frame. He nearly dreaded it. They watched movies, and when they weren't having sex, they talked in the post coital haze. They talked about Dean's job and Castiel's. They spoke about family and Castiel heard the deep adoration in Dean's voice when he talked about his younger brother Sam, although he talked about him roughly. Castiel told Dean about his grandmother that he had loved dearly.

When he kissed Dean at the doorway on the fourth morning, he forced a smile.

"You call me if it hasn't passed," Dean said, cupping his face.

"I will," Castiel said.

Then Dean leaned down and kissed him again, deep and slow. He was held to Dean's chest before Dean finally pulled away. He kissed Dean again before making himself step away.

"Don't be a stranger," Dean said.

"I won't be."

Dean kissed him again before going down the hall. Castiel closed the door as Dean walked away. It had seemed quiet the first time after Dean left, now it was nearly deafening with silence. He had grown accustomed to the sound of the television and Dean's laughter, his YouTube browsing that was mostly car exhaust clips that could become unnerving. Now there was none of it, so he put on a movie and let it play as he moved around the flat. He stayed home that day to allow the residual heat to ebb from his scent. He stayed on his computer, doing his work from home until the evening. Then he watched a movie, like he very rarely did.

He wasn't expecting the knock at the door, but he expected it to be Cooper bringing him work files. When he pulled open the door it was Dean with another paper sack that he held up slightly.

"So I'm just going to be straight up, I ordered too many burgers. Want to take care of it with me?" Dean asked.

Castiel opened the door farther. "Of course."

They didn't speak about it, but it seemed best and it didn't seem to need words. They enjoyed each other and Castiel was greatly relieved that it was mutual.


	8. Chapter 8

The weeks after Castiel's heat passed, but they were far from normal for him. Instead, they bred into a new kind of normalcy for him. Dean stayed the night with him frequently. Once he offered to go to Dean's, but Dean refused, saying it was too far from Castiel's work, but Castiel believed it was more likely the different state of their economic conditions. He didn't care. He enjoying having Dean in his home, even beginning to see Dean's things left behind.

His kitchen actually became used steadily for the first time since he'd had it remodeled years before. A radio appeared, installed beneath the cabinets by Dean. He learned to block out the noise of it while Dean cooked in the evenings and he began taking work home at a reasonable hour to spend the evenings with Dean three or four nights a week.

It was more companionship than Castiel had had in his life and he enjoyed it very much, even if Dean's cooking did make him nauseous more often than not with the increase in butter and red meat. Dean may not be good for his digestive tract, but he thought the benefits outweighed the cons by a large margin as he began to miss the heartbeat beneath his ear the nights that Dean stayed home.

Four weeks after Castiel's second heat, he went to see Dr. Aims again for another check on his progress. After taking a urine and blood sample, Dr. Aims came back into the small room, looking down at his clipboard.

"Have things improved?" Castiel asked.

Dr. Aims looked up and smiled. "Yes. Much better than I expected. Congratulations. You're going to be a father, Castiel."

Castiel stared. It felt like he was hearing something foreign. He had the immediate urge to ask if they had tested the right urine. He opened his mouth then closed it repeatedly, before forcing words from his mouth as Dr. Aims waited.

"Are you certain?"

Dr. Aims nodded and sat at his chair. He clicked on his computer then picked up his prescription pad.

"I'm prescribing you prenatal vitamins. Take them three times a day when you eat. I'll also give you something for the morning sickness, but you may still feel nauseous immediately after eating. The nurses at the front desk will schedule an ultrasound for next week so we can see how far along you are," the doctor said.

Castiel continued to stare, not taking in much of what he was saying.

He wasn't infertile. He was carrying a child. Dean was going to be a father. Then he looked down at his stomach.

He was going to be a father.

That night, Castiel paced the width of his flat. He tugged at his tie and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked at his watch again. Dean should have left work by now. He should be here at any time, like Castiel had asked him to be. His stomach lurched and he cleared his throat, forcing the indigestion back down.

When Dean finally did knock, Castiel stopped in the middle of the flat and took a deep even breath. Then he pushed back his shoulders and went to the door pulling it open.

"Hey," Dean said, leaning down to kiss Castiel before stepping inside.

"Hello," Castiel said, pulling away after only a moment to close the door.

"I picked up dinner," Dean said, holding up a paper sack that was already beginning to turn clear from the grease draining to the bottom.

Castiel frowned as Dean tossed it onto the table and began taking out burgers and fries. The smell of it was making him sick.

"You going to eat?" Dean asked. Then he looked back at Castiel and his eyes softened slightly. "Damnit, you're stomach's still upset. I didn't think about the smell. I can go eat outside or something."

"It's fine," Castiel said.

"Did the doctor know what's going on?" Dean asked.

"I'm pregnant."

Dean froze in the process of unwrapping a burger. Then he slowly looked back toward Castiel. Castiel let him stare. He stared back for a handful of moments. Then he cleared his throat and glanced away. He heard Dean's boots on the tile then the carpet before he was being lifted from his feet roughly and crushed to Dean's chest.

"That's awesome," Dean said.

"I'm going to puke on you."

Dean quickly put him down, but held Castiel's face. Castiel inhaled deeply through his nose to soften the threat of vomit. Dean's hands so near his nose eased the burbling in his stomach. His wonderful smell of motor oil and cool air. Dean smiled. It felt like a kick to Castiel's chest when he saw Dean's eyes were moist.

"This is great, Cas," Dean said.

"I love you," Castiel said. It came from his mouth without his consent, but before it could grow awkward, Dean kissed him. His tongue pushed into Castiel's mouth once, and shallow, but the taste of him eased Castiel.

"Love you too," Dean said.

After Castiel had told Dean, his nerves settled and his upset stomach with it. He ate with Dean on the couch while they watched a movie Dean chose. Castiel fell asleep against Dean's side with his arm over him. When he woke, it was to Dean gently rubbing his lower stomach and he fell back to sleep easily.

The next morning, he woke in bed with Dean holding him from behind. One of his hands cupped Castiel's still flat stomach. Castiel texted Cooper to say he would be in late and went back to sleep in Dean's arms.

Castiel fell into a rhythm after consulting with his doctor again. Instead of skipping breakfast, he made himself wake up earlier and cook something, even if his stomach was upset and even if it was small. On the nights that Dean slept over, which was becoming frequent, he normally woke to the clatter of pans and Led Zeppelin playing quietly from the radio in the kitchen.

For lunch, he stopped ordering White Castle and had Cooper bring him salads with a combination of different foods he'd been told were good for fetal development. For dinner, he rarely took takeout. Instead, he slowly began to teach himself how to cook. Dean didn't complain, but Castiel knew the nights Dean didn't spend with him, he was quenching his craving for saturated fats.

The ultrasounds were a strange experience. Castiel could see the small pulsing of life growing inside of him, but he couldn't feel it. Not yet. The technician said it could be months before he did. It hardly mattered. While he couldn't feel movement, he felt that he was growing something and he believed it was precious.

When Castiel set a newspaper in front of Dean with home listings circled, it was the unspoken consent that they would be buying together. Castiel began to spend time on websites dedicated to decorating a nursery during his lunch hour and his hours after work.

Dean bought a plush monkey that felt like it were made of down and velvet for the nursery in the home they hadn't found yet. When they went to bed that night, Dean laid his hand over Castiel's slightly distended lower stomach while he kissed him softly and moved inside of him.

Castiel fell asleep with the plush monkey on his bedside table and his partner pressed to his back.


	9. Chapter 9

Castiel checked his watch as he picked up his brief case and headed toward his office door.

"Cooper, I'm leaving," he said.

"Good luck," Cooper said. "Find that baby a home."

Castiel laughed slightly and held up his hand partially as he went toward the elevators. He texted Dean on the way down to let him know he was on his way to meet with the realtor. Dean wrote him back before the elevator reached the parking garage.

Dean: _won't make it. Take pics. Bobby's being a dick_

_Ok. Come to my house after work. _

Castiel drove the fifteen minutes outside of downtown and into a quieter section of the city. The lawns were well maintained, but each house was unique. It wasn't nearly the suburbs, which he and Dean agreed was a benefit. It also wasn't far from his work or Dean's.

The house was eclectic, which Castiel strangely liked. While the kitchen was updated and large, it still had antique styled appliances. There was wood and tile on the kitchen and formal living room floors, but the den and bedrooms were thickly carpeted. The room that would be the nursery overlooked the privacy-fenced backyard. There was already a swing set toward the corner. They would be able to get a dog. Dean had said how he wanted to get one when the baby was older, so they could grow together. Castiel could see that happening here.

Castiel drove back to his apartment and kneaded at his stomach. It had been awhile since he'd had morning sickness, but until a week ago he had still been taking the medication for it daily. Now he felt slightly nauseous. When he reached his flat, he took one of his anti-nausea pills and went to the living room.

He turned on the news and watched the financial report while he waited for the medication to take effect. Before it had, he was in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet with his stomach aching. The salad he ate for lunch had been fresh, but maybe the chicken wasn't.

The pressure slacked a fraction when he managed to use the bathroom some, but there wasn't enough to justify how badly his stomach was beginning to hurt. He pushed harder and when he stopped, his stomach contracted again on its own. He was glad Dean hadn't come to the showing. He wasn't able to do this silently and the noises were embarrassing.

Then he felt warmth trickle from his opening and slide down the skin behind his testicles. He pushed again and felt more. His chest was suddenly very tight and cold as he stood and looked into the toilet. Watery red liquid clung to his balls then dripped down his thigh. The water in the bowl of the toilet was tinged red.

Castiel laid in the bathtub, staring at the tiled wall. His stomach seized and he pushed without thought. He no longer watched the tendrils of blood leaving his body. He had drained the water twice when it became too cool and clouded.

He heard keys turning in the front door then Dean's footsteps.

"Cas?" he called.

"In here," Castiel said.

He heard Dean walking then glanced at the open door.

"How did the house hunt-," Dean said, then he stopped and looked at Castiel. "What's wrong?"

Castiel watched him come forward and see into the toilet, his eyes trailing down to the blood on the rim of the seat, and leading to the bathtub. Then the water of the bath.

"Come on, we need to get you to the hospital," Dean said, taking Castiel's arm.

"They can't do anything," Castiel said hoarsely. "I called."

"Bullshit they can't!" Dean said.

Castiel laid still and watched him without lifting his head from the tile wall behind him. He watched the emotions play over Dean's face, anger, denial, then sorrow.

"Goddamn it, Cas, I'm so sorry," Dean said and pulled him forward.

Castiel closed his eyes and laid his cheek against Dean's shoulder. Dean held the far side of his face and rubbed his back with the other. Castiel breathed in the smell of him, felt the solidness of his body, and he began to choke on the raggedness of his own grief as it welled from his eyes and throat. Dean held him while he shattered into himself and his stomach continued to ache, forcing their child from his womb.

When Castiel woke the next morning, he heard Dean talking quietly. He glanced down toward the living room without lifting his head. Dean was on the phone. The beginning of morning light was still gray on the lower walls. Castiel closed his eyes again and held the comforter closely.

Then he felt the bed shift and the heard the comforter moving as Dean climbed in behind him once again. He put his arm around Castiel and spooned him tightly. He kissed the back of Castiel's neck softly.

"You awake, Cas?" Dean asked quietly.

"Yes," Castiel said.

"I called Cooper. He's moving around your meetings for today and tomorrow."

"Thank you," Castiel said quietly. "I don't want to be awake yet."

"Do I need to get you something to help you asleep?"

"The OxyContin in the medicine cabinet. My stomach hurts."

Dean got back out of bed and the bathroom light shone on the bed as Den turned it on and dug in the medicine cabinet. Then the light was flipped off and Dean came back to the bed and gave Castiel the pills along with a bottle of water from the bedside table.

After swallowing, Castiel laid back down and Dean wrapped himself around him again.

"Roll over," Dean said.

Castiel did and Dean brought the blankets up farther around his shoulders then he kissed Castiel gently. They kissed for a very long time without it becoming deep. Dean was a very physical person and if this was how he showed his support and his sadness, then Castiel could cope.

When Castiel finally pulled away, Dean wiped the tears from his own face. The red veins in his eyes made his iris look very green. Castiel wondered if their child's eyes would have been green and all he felt was numb.

"I love you, Cas."

"I love you too."

"It's going to be okay."

"I know."

It didn't feel okay. This was not okay, but he allowed Dean to sleep, letting himself believe that he had given comfort while Castiel stayed away, watching the sun rising through the blinds and praying for unconsciousness.

Dean woke him when the sun was on the opposite side of the building. It threw Dean's face into shadow as he kissed him softly and ran his hand over his side.

"Why don't you come eat something?" Dean asked.

"I'm not hungry."

Dean frowned, but stroked his cheek. He looked like he wanted to argue, but he only nodded. "Okay."

Castiel expected Dean to go eat, but he stayed where he was, pulling him more closely again. He closed his eyes again even as his head ached from too much sleep, but his body felt heavy. He was suddenly very aware that being alive felt heavy. He forced himself back to sleep and wished for it to last a very long time.

Castiel slept the remainder of the day and the next, he stayed in bed although he could hardly sleep. Dean brought his laptop into the bed with him.

"Want to watch a movie?" Dean asked, stroking Castiel's temple.

"You can put one on," Castiel said.

Dean opened one of the Monty Python movies and pulled Castiel against his chest while the computer rested on his stomach. Castiel didn't laugh, but it touched his heart that Dean would watch it with him and the moments that Dean leaned down to kiss the top of his hair while he rubbed his back.

Castiel moved between sluggish consciousness and sleep through the hours and most times Dean was with him. When he woke to it dark outside, Dean's face was bathed in the monitor light of the computer screen.

"Hey," Dean said, smiling small.

Castiel looked at him before leaning up and kissing him. His mouth couldn't have tasted pleasant, but Dean held him close and touched his face tenderly. Castiel thought he may have pushed for the kiss to deepen, but it hardly mattered which of them did it. Dean put the laptop on the floor then pulled Castiel on top of him.

Dean pushed into him carefully, watching his face closely. Castiel's insides were tender, but his eyes were burning from the touch of Dean's hands on him. It was very slow with the sounds of their breathing and their bodies moving. Castiel wasn't concerned with the pleasure of it, there was something deeper that he needed, restless numbness that made him feel like screaming. Dean's hands on him were something alive. Dean brought him to climax before he did the same, pressed tightly into Castiel's body. Dean held him on his chest with his face pressed to Castiel's neck.

"It's going to be okay, Cas," Dean said.

Castiel closed his eyes when he realized Dean were crying. He didn't pull away, he kept his face hidden again Dean's shoulder. Guilt swelled inside of him and he only allowed himself to numb further.

The next day, Cooper smiled at Castiel as he went toward his office.

"Good morning, Mr. Novak," Cooper said.

"Cooper. What do I have today?"

"Easy day. No meetings. Some phone calls to make and emails to answer. You can even do it from home if you want," Cooper said.

"Thank you," Castiel said, trying to be grateful for Cooper's sweet smile, but he could see passed it. To the sympathy and pity in Cooper's eyes that he wasn't giving voice to. Castiel was grateful for that at least as he stepped into his office.

There was a coffee from his preferred coffee shop on his desk with a ham and cheese croissant from another shop a few blocks from the coffee shop. It was a sweet gesture. He appreciated it, even if he tasted little as he chewed.

He started his computer and sorted through his email. He had answered three before he opened the next. It was from the custom carpenter he'd contacted to make the nursery furniture asking for measurements. He stared at the screen with a void of feeling. He replied, telling them it was no longer needed. Then he went through his bookmarked pages and deleted the concepts and designs for the nursery.

When it was over, he picked up his office phone and made his first call of the day.

That night, Dean texted him when it was passed seven and asked when he would be home. Castiel texted him and said he wouldn't be home. He was entangled with the preparations for a meeting next month that needed to go well. Dean offered to come meet him, but Castiel refused.

When he finally went home, the television was still on and Dean was asleep on the couch. Castiel squeezed his shoulder over the back of the couch as he loosened his tie. Dean came awake slowly, rubbing his face.

"Hey, baby."

"Come to bed," Castiel said.

"Yeah," Dean said, getting up and stretching. "What time is it?"

"Just after four."

Dean frowned, "You're just getting home?"

"I had work to do," Castiel said.

Dean shook his head, like he was trying to clear sleep. "There's food in the fridge."

"I'm not hungry," Castiel said, then he went to the bedroom and stripped to his underwear before crawling into bed.

He heard Dean's snores long before he ever fell into a dreamless sleep.

Castiel worked on preparations for the meeting over the next week. He came home at three or four each morning and left again before eight. The Friday after he miscarried, Dean was sitting at the kitchen table when Castiel walked in, sitting his briefcase by the door.

"Hello," Castiel said.

"Hey," Dean said, twisting a bottle on the table top and giving him a small smile. "Just made dinner about an hour ago."

"I'm not hungry."

Castiel look off his jacket and laid it over the back of the kitchen chair across the small circular table from Dean. The blue numbers on the oven said it was after three. Castiel went to the cabinet and sorted through his coffee beans until finding the expresso. He started the coffee maker then went back to his briefcase and took out a folder, taking it back to the table.

"How was work?" Dean asked.

"Fine," Castiel said, frowning as he brought out the papers from the manila envelope. "Can you not sleep?"

Dean shrugged, playing in a line of condensation left from his beer. "Figured I'd wait up. What are you working on?"

"That proposal the engineers are making next month," Castiel said.

"Already?"

"Mhm."

"You work your ass off."

"How else do you think I got to where I'm at?" Castiel asked, squinting at the paper. He'd been reading all day. He blinked for a drawn out moment. The coffee maker beeped and he stood up, making himself a cup.

"Why don't you go ahead and come to bed with me?" Dean asked.

"I'm not tired."

Dean scooted his chair back then carefully took the mug from Castiel's hand. Then he threaded his fingers through Castiel's.

"Come on. You've worked enough this week. Take it easy this weekend."

"I have to fly to Boston tomorrow."

Dean frowned, "How long will you be gone?"

"I have to be back by tomorrow night, because I have a brunch on Sunday with Morrison."

"Cas, come on. They can't expect you to work that much."

"Well it's planned," Castiel said.

Dean frowned, but exhaled heavily. "Then come to bed."

"I'm not tired and I have things to do," Castiel said, taking his hand from Dean. He took his coffee and sat back at the kitchen table, opening the file again.

He glanced up when he heard Dean's chair scrape back again. Dean opened his laptop and looked at the screen. In the dim lighting from the lamp in the living room and the harsh monitor light, the bags beneath Dean's eyes were very deep.

"Go to bed, Dean," Castiel said.

"Not tired," Dean said, propping his chin on his elbow as he stared at the screen.

It was a lie, but Castiel didn't care enough to argue. The quiet settled between them with the turn of the occasional page from the file and Dean's tapping on his keyboard.

"How have you been feeling?" Dean asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Like your stomach, has it been hurting?"

"Some. I've made an appointment for next week."

"What day? I'll come with you."

Castiel shook his head without looking up. "I made it during my lunch break. If I need my cervix cleaned then it shouldn't take more than a few hours."

"Cas."

Castiel looked up slightly frustrated after trying to read.

"You aren't going to the appointment alone, so tell me when it is or I'll just call Cooper."

"Thursday at two."

"Alright I'll pick you up at work."

"Dean, you don't have to-."

"Just shut up. I'm going to."

Castiel nodded and looked back at his work. He was lost in it when his eyes finally started to burn from exhaustion. He looked up and saw the beginnings of sunrise bleeding through the lower blinds. Dean snored softly across the table. His chin was still propped on his palm. The laptop had gone dark, making the discoloration beneath Dean's eyes darker.

Castiel put his work away and woke Dean. Castiel set his alarm for three hours later before getting into bed near Dean, who had already fallen asleep once again. It did not come as easily for himself.

When Castiel laid back on the examination table the next week, Dean held his hand. Castiel stared at the ceiling that he was becoming sick of after over a year of seeing it while Dr. Aims moved between his legs. When he winced at one of the tools brushing his cervix, Dean squeezed his hand.

"Okay?"

"I'm fine," Castiel said.

"Almost finished, Castiel," Dr. Aims said.

Castiel waited until Dr. Aims rolled away and he heard the snap of gloves being taken off.

"All done," Dr. Aims said.

Dean pulled Castiel up and kissed his temple. Castiel fought the urge to pull away as he looked at Dr. Aims.

"You don't need a D&C. All the tissues cleared themselves."

"That's good, right?" Dean asked, with his arm still around Castiel.

Dr. Aims smiled small at Dean. "Yes." Then Dr. Aims cleared his throat. "I know it feels like there is no good aspect to this situation, but it is positive that you were able to conceive in the first place. If you're wanting a family I see no reason why you shouldn't continue to try."

Dean pulled Castiel's hand up and kissed the back, looking at him, like there were not another person in the room. "That's great."

Castiel cleared his throat, "Then why did I miscarry?"

"It's almost impossible to tell. At least 20% of omegas lose their first pregnancy early. It could be there wasn't a solid adhesion to the uterine wall or something as simple as chromosomes not paring correctly."

Castiel nodded, "Okay, thank you."

When Dr. Aims stood to leave he took Castiel's free hand roughly in his warm dry palm.

"I'm very sorry, both of you, but stay hopeful."

Castiel nodded again, "Thank you."

Dr. Aims went to the door and Dean squeezed Castiel's shoulder.

"I'll be right back," Dean said.

Dean followed Dr. Aims from the room, leaving the door cracked. Castiel stood, the paper of the exam table crackling loudly. He began to pull on his clothing when he heard Dean's voice not far beyond the door.

"He's just out of it. He's working himself like crazy. He hardly sleeps. He doesn't eat," Dean said quietly.

"That's not uncommon," Dr. Aims said just as quietly. "This is very painful for any omega. There a deep feeling of guilt often, on top of the loss. Be patient with him, but don't allow him to be wrapped up too long in his pain. That goes for any omega, but particularly with a personality like Castiel."

Their voices were so quiet that Castiel wouldn't have heard them if he hadn't paused in pulling on his clothes. When he wanted to hear no more, he finished dressing. He was buttoning his dress shirt when the office door came open and Dean smiled small at him.

"You ready?"

"Yes."

On the way back to Castiel's office, Castiel stared out of the Impala's window at the passing buildings and people walking with only seeing flashes of color and thinking of the work he had left to do this evening. He only noticed they were on the wrong street when Dean came to a stop along the curb. He glanced up at the building they were beside. It was the pub.

"I'm starving," Dean said, opening his door and closing it as Castiel began to argue.

They were seated at the bar and when Castiel tried to only order something to drink, Dean overrode him and ordered two bacon cheeseburgers. Castiel stared at the mirror behind the bar where he could see the patrons behind them, eating, talking.

"What all do you have left to do today?" Dean asked.

"A meeting and some other things."

"Why don't I hang around until after you meeting and we can go down and watch Benny play with his band?"

"I don't want to go out."

"Then we can just go back to your house."

"I have work to do."

"Cas, it's almost Friday. Why don't you just clear your stuff tomorrow or at least some of it and we go out to your snotty beach house you keep talking about? We could handle some sun. Get out of the city for the weekend."

Castiel shook his head, "I have meetings this weekend. I'll be lucky to get home before one tomorrow morning."

Their server set their food in front of them before Dean could reply. Castiel ordered another drink as he took a bite of his fries. The grease of them clinging to his fingers made his stomach roll. However, he ate them before Dean could complain that he wasn't. Then he started on his burger.

The meat was done medium rare, like he took it. As he bit into it blood coloring leaked onto his fingers. He wiped them as his stomach threatened to heave. At some level, he realized he should be hungry. The last thing he ate was a yogurt cup with granola Cooper had brought him very early that morning.

But he wasn't hungry. However, he ate, because it kept him from having to speak and that kept Dean quiet as well.

During the weekend, Castiel had as much time off as he expected, which was very little. He didn't mind. He was getting ahead on his work. When he had been spending time at home with Dean he'd fallen into a rhythm of letting his work fall to a lesser priority. It was comforting to be back to his pattern before Dean came along, simpler.

When he went into his apartment on Saturday, Dean wasn't there. He felt the tension drain out of him as he undid his tie in his dark quiet home and went to his computer.

The next night, Dean wasn't there either. When he sent Castiel a picture of mountains, Castiel remembered Dean was going to see distant family for the weekend with Sam. He replied something simple before tossing away his phone and forgetting it as he worked.

On Monday, Cooper opened Castiel's office door.

"Mr. Novak, Dean is on line 1. He wants to know when you'll be home," Cooper said.

"Thank you," Castiel said, picking up his office phone and hitting one as Cooper let the door close again. "Hello, Dean."

"Hey, are you coming home any time soon?"

"Not for a few more hours."

"Could I come get you for dinner then? Haven't seen you all weekend."

"I've already eaten," Castiel said.

"Okay, well could we go get a drink down at the pub or something?"

"If you want."

The line was quiet as Castiel looked over an email on his screen. He was typing a reply before he realized Dean hadn't spoken.

"Are you still there?"

"Yeah. I'm here."

Castiel felt a small flare of pain in his chest at Dean's voice. He cleared his throat. "Do you want to go get a drink?"

"I'm pretty tired. Let's just forget it."

Castiel's moment of pain turned to a short faint tinge of concern. "Okay. I'll be home in an hour or so."

"Sounds good, Cas."

"Okay," Castiel said.

"I love you."

"You too," Castiel said as he hung up.

While he wrote the reply to the email he'd been looking at, he forgot about the short spark of pain. When he noticed a clock again, it was passed midnight. He went home then and found Dean asleep in bed. He laid down beside him.

Before he went to sleep, he rolled over and kissed the back of Dean's neck. The feel of his warmth caught Castiel by surprised. He slid his hand up Dean's ribs and tried to remember the last time he had touched him. He couldn't as he took off his clothes and curled into the shape of Dean's back.

Castiel was at his desk as Friday passed into the early hours of Saturday. Three weeks from now they had a meeting. The sooner he did the notes the sooner the team could get the project to him for revision. The financial calendar was up for review in eight months. He needed to begin going over what information they had from that as well.

Then his office door came open and Dean walked inside. Even in the dimness of his office, he could see Dean was angry. His phone had vibrated some time ago, he had meant to call Dean back, but every time he went to reach for his phone, he became side-tracked.

"Alright. Enough of this bullshit, Cas."

"What are you talking about?" Castiel asked.

"I talked to Cooper. Want to know what he told me?"

"I don't know."

"He said you haven't had any projects due that would cause you to be here this late so much. He said he was worried about you and he doesn't even know the amount of hours you've actually been working."

"I do have projects-."

"I've let you do this for three weeks, Cas. Enough. You don't eat, you don't sleep, you fucking live here. Stop. We're done doing this."

"Don't be melodramatic," Castiel said, squinting at his computer screen as his head ached.

"This was not your fault," Dean said loudly.

Castiel frowned and looked away from his computer screen. Dean came a few steps closer with his shoulders rigid. He looked furious. Part of Castiel wanted to care. It wanted to care that Dean was angry, but he couldn't. It was the same feeling that kept him from caring when Dean asked him to come home early for the last week since he came home from his mother's. The same that passed off offers of food, and brushed off Dean's affections aside from the few times they'd had sex in the extreme hours of morning when he let Dean pull him into bed.

"It sucks. I know it fucking sucks. Then if that's not bad enough, I'm having to watch you run yourself into the ground. We will have a kid. We can try as soon as you're ready, but I can't sit here and watch this."

"Then don't. No one said you had to."

He waited after he'd said it. He realized that they could be ending words and some part of him wanted that very much, for this to be over, and to be allowed to do his work. He expected pain or hurt from Dean, but all he saw was more anger. Then he was around the desk, pulling Castiel up by his tie and jacket. When he was on his feet, Dean's face inches from his own.

"This is bullshit, Cas," Dean yelled in a deep graveled voice. "You can't bury yourself here. You can't make me go away. I won't leave."

The words didn't mean much to Castiel. The tone didn't. The anger. What did hurt him was the pain in Dean's eyes. It felt strange to hurt. He tried to physically pull from Dean, but Dean tightened his hold in his clothing.

"We can try again, Cas," Dean said. "And if you don't want to then we won't, whatever you want, but you've got to stop doing this."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Don't you lie to me. You have to try to pull your shit together. More than this. Work with me."

Castiel stared at Dean. It felt like he were seeing him for the first time in weeks. He heard the break in Dean's voice and some part of him broke from his own chest. The throbbing, fragile, bloody omega that he was. The part of himself that had allowed itself to hurt over what he'd lost and what he was no good for, the part he had hidden away so he would not feel it. He tried to force it back, but Dean's eyes were only growing wetter.

"I didn't want children."

"I know," Dean said more gently, but his face was still hard.

"You don't," Castiel said, forcing his voice to be even.

"Cas, I do. I wanted it too."

"I know you did," Castiel said angrily as his eyes burned. "But I wasn't allowed to keep it, because of what I'd done."

Dean tightened his hand in Castiel's collar.

"This wasn't your fault."

"My body was poisoned, because of me."

The volume of his voice surprised him and it seemed to surprise Dean too, but his grip didn't slack. The fractures in Castiel's chest opened and leaked the pain he had convinced himself wasn't there. While it hurt, there was the smallest tinge of relief.

Dean yanked him close, wrapping him up tightly. When Castiel couldn't get away, he clutched the softness of Dean's t-shirt and breathed against it. He tried to keep the tears from working themselves from his chest, but having Dean near wasn't helping.

"I'm so sorry, Dean."

"It wasn't your fault," Dean said roughly against his ear. "You've got to stop."

A hard sob wrenched through his chest as he clutched Dean's shirt harder.

"It's okay to hurt, but you've got to let yourself do it, sweetheart."

Castiel clenched his teeth as hot tears stung his eyes and he tried to keep them back while his body shook. It had been easier to cry when he was in the bathtub, and the loss was happening. Now it had hardened and it felt like passing stones from his chest. The sound of it embarrassed him under the misery, but Dean only held him harder.

"Go on. I've got ya," Dean said, holding him soft and hard at the same time.

Castiel sobbed hard against Dean's shoulder for his guilt, the house they didn't buy, the decorations he hadn't bought, the few names for both genders that still played through his mind, for the baby he wished more than anything were still swelling his stomach. All the while, Dean held him through it.


	10. Chapter 10

A week later, Castiel sat propped against the arm of the couch in his beach house with a blanket around his shoulders and the patio doors open. A breeze from the ocean ruffled the pages of the book he read with the cool smell of sea salt filling the house.

It was the second day they had been there. Castiel wasn't sure how long they would stay. When he'd said that he needed a leave of personal absence, his employers had been surprisingly accepting. Then again, since he had never taken time for himself before the last year, it only seemed right that they be accepting now.

The front door came open and Castiel heard Dean's boots on the foyer tiles before he came into the living room wearing his olive green jacket.

"Come on, Cas. We're going somewhere."

Castiel thought of complaining. He wanted to read, but then he thought of the previous weeks and how he'd treated Dean. He marked his spot and put the book down before pulling on a pair of Toms from beneath the coffee table.

"Where are we going?" Castiel asked as he went to the hall closet and took out his own coat. Dean wrapped his arms around him, looking over his face.

"I'm digging the nerdy Cas look. Might even like it more than business Cas."

Castiel smiled slightly. "I'm not playing librarian for you."

Dean laughed slightly and squeezed him before going back toward the front door.

"Where are we going?" Castiel asked again.

"You'll see," Dean said, holding the door open for Castiel and closing it behind them.

They got into Dean's car and drove down the quiet sand strewn roads of the small beach town. Castiel had the money to buy in the Hamptons, like many of his colleagues, but he enjoyed the small quietness of this place, even if the beaches may not be as white and were more latticed with driftwood.

They only drove for twenty minutes before Dean pulled onto a dirt road. Castiel paid more attention to the greenness of the fields against the overcast sky as his curiosity perked. After less than a mile, Dean pulled into a long driveway. There was a large shingle-sided house with a barn to the side. It was a very nice barn with extensive chain-link runs attached along the sides.

Castiel stepped out of the car when Dean did and heard barking. He looked toward the noise as a door slammed shut and a woman came down the back steps of the house, wearing a thickly cable-knit hooded sweater.

"You must be Dean," the woman said.

"Yep. Kathy, this is Castiel."

Kathy smiled at Castiel and held out her hand. Castiel shook it. Her hands were soft but firm. She was a very beautiful older woman with light lines bordering her eyes.

"It's good to meet you."

"You as well," Castiel said.

"Okay, well you two follow me," Kathy said as she walked across the dooryard to the barn.

When they reached it, she walked into a small side door and Castiel followed with Dean close behind. The smell of hay and horse feed filtered into Castiel's senses as he followed Kathy through a small side room to a wide aisle between stable doors. Barking increased, but it sounded like it was in a room beyond them.

"Sorry for the noise. Everyone's inside with the storm about to come in," Kathy said.

"No problem," Dean said.

Then Castiel saw a large metal sign hanging on the back wall of the large room they stood in.

_Bayside Aussie Rescue_

"Here we go," Kathy said as she went to a stall door and pulled it open. "These are the babies you called about, Dean."

When the door opened four brown and white Australian Shepherd puppies ran out. Their tails wagged frantically as Dean kneeled down, petting them with a wide smile. Castiel watched and smiled.

"We just got them from a puppy mill in New Jersey," Kathy said, standing near Castiel.

"How old are they?"

"Eight weeks."

Dean stood up with one of the puppies and put it in Castiel's arms. Castiel smiled slightly at the puppy's blue eyes and velvety soft puppy coat.

"You're very cute," Castiel said.

Then it licked into his mouth and he sputtered passing it back to Dean. Kathy and Dean laughed.

"The babies are hyper, but they'll settle down some," Kathy said.

"Get down here, Cas," Dean said crouching again.

Castiel kneeled in the hay littered aisle and two of the puppies immediately ran from Dean to him, putting their paws on his legs and trying to climb him. They were very pretty and sitting with them, petting them, Castiel saw glimpses of their personality. The one that had licked him was by far the most hyper. It clung to Dean, biting his fingers and twisting his small head.

"What do you think?" Dean asked.

"They're very pretty."

"Yeah. These guys won't have any problem finding a home," Kathy said.

Castiel continued to play with the puppies with Dean, trying to determine which they should adopt. He held all of them in turn, but even the calmest was filled with raw energy.

"Castiel, let's let Dean keep these guys busy. I've got someone I think you might like," Kathy said.

Castiel passed the puppy he was holding back to Dean then he followed Kathy down the aisle. At the end, there was another door. Then the sound of barking was very sharp. Inside, kennels were lined along the walls. Through the back of each kennel, he could see the outdoor runs attached. Older dogs jumped against the doors wagging their tails, some waited quietly, and other just laid down looking at him.

"Don't feel too bad for them. Most of the time they've got the run of forty acres. They just don't like being put in the pens," Kathy said. They went to the end of the aisle until Kathy stopped at a kennel. She opened the door and kneeled down. "Come here, pretty girl."

Castiel stood behind Kathy to see inside the pen. A blue merle Australian Shepherd came from the back of the pen and wagged her tail slowly. Castiel kneeled like Kathy and held out his hand to the dog.

"Her name is Dex. She's almost two."

Dex came up to Castiel and sniffed his hand then sat in front of him with her ears angled back slightly as her tail tapped the floor and she stretched her neck toward him. Castiel cupped the side of her small face and scratched behind her ear.

"She small," Castiel said.

"She's a miniature. A breeder bought her as a puppy, but she developed a hernia on her cervix, so she wasn't good for having puppies. That's how we got her."

Castiel's chest ached for just a flash as he reached out his other hand and held Dex's face. She was very pretty dog with a white muzzle and black spots on a gray background. Her eyes were a deep shade of blue.

"I've been waiting for a good home for her," Kathy said, smiling slightly as she watched Castiel petting Dex.

"I can see why. She's beautiful."

"I treat these dogs like my family," Kathy said, petting Dex's back. "I opened this rescue after I learned that I wasn't able to have children. It's really amazing how much healing they can bring if you let them."

It was all Castiel needed to know that Dean had told her about their situation, but he wasn't angry. Not embarrassed. He felt a sore throb of companionship.

"We've just tried once. It's daunting to say the least."

"Some actually think having a dog in the home helps. They relax a house."

Dex had scooted closer to Castiel and now he chin rested on his knee. Castiel picked her up and held her against his chest. She couldn't weigh more than twenty pounds, but she was so much calmer than the puppies. He smiled at her when she lightly licked his cheek.

"You would've had very pretty puppies," Castiel said to her.

Dex's tail wagged against him and Kathy smiled as she petted Dex's back.

"What do you think?" Kathy asked.

"I'd like to take her home," Castiel said, looking at the dog and feeling the first honest smile in over a month.

A year and a half later, Castiel stood in one of the second floor bedrooms in the beach house, tapping a nail into the pale gray wall. When the nail was in, he hung a framed painting of an animated pink owl. He smiled at it as he went to one of the plastic sacks in the rocking chair by the window.

He took out the sheets next. They were pale pink as he lowered the side of the driftwood crafted crib and fitted them to the mattress. His swollen stomach got in the way as he worked, but it was a distraction he was used to at nearly eight months. He tied the soft bumpers along the interior edges of the crib then went to put up the rest of the decorations.

He'd been hoarding the little pieces he'd found on the internet and different stores since he was four months along and Dean had dragged him into a store to pick something out. Castiel had been terrified to. He'd been terrified to even recognize that his stomach was puffing and the kind smiles of his colleagues when they would ask when he was due. When Castiel went home from that store, he had clutched a quilted stuffed owl in the passenger seat like the sky might fall.

After that, he had slowly gotten braver. With each ultrasound and positive report from the doctors, he'd began buying piece by piece. Now this was the first time they'd been to the beach house since he'd gathered everything. The only thing he'd had someone else do was paint the walls with little leafless trees. Everything else he liked to do and pick out by himself.

"Aren't you just the cutest little nester?" Dean asked, coming into the room and putting his arms around Castiel from behind.

"Don't patronize me."

"I'm not. It's adorable," Dean said, rubbing the side of his wide belly. "It's really coming together in here."

"I love the crib," Castiel said, running his hand over the handcrafted piece.

"I do too."

There was the jingle of tags then Dex's nose bumped Castiel's fingers.

"Oh," Castiel said, going back to the rocker. He tried to move quickly, but it was a waddle. It was an irritating pace, but he couldn't deny that he loved the feeling of being heavy right then, in their home, in a nursery with Dean. "I found this at that dog boutique," he said, as he pulled out a pink owl themed dog bed. He laid against the wall by the crib.

Dean laughed, "I think you've got a problem with the owls."

"It's a theme, Dean. Everyone does it."

Dex went to the bed, circled and laid down. Castiel smiled and petted her head.

"She likes it."

"You could lay tinfoil down for that dog to lay on and she'd love it. She's up your butt sideways."

"That's gross, isn't it?" Castiel asked the dog. "He's vulgar."

Dex thumped her tail like she had any clue what Castiel was saying. Sometimes her eyes seemed so intelligent that Castiel thought she must know some of it.

"Help me hang this picture," Castiel said, going back to the rocker and handing Dean a hammer and nails.

A month later, Castiel laid in bed with the bedside lamp on. Dean was asleep against his back, snoring. Dex laid over his feet, heavy and warm. It was passed

four in the morning, but he wasn't tired as he brushed back fine silky dark hair from his daughter's tiny forehead. Her beautiful green eyes looked at him and his chest felt so full it ached as he smiled.


End file.
